Q - Dear Annabelle, I am so confused and I don't know who to talk to. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. I know that he loves me except for when I am sick, I say that because, whenever I am sick, my boyfriend never seems to care, he never asks if I am Îokâ. We made plans to go out with his mother, but the day came and I woke up vomiting and couldn't move from my bed. He didn't seem to care. All he said is that Îwe have to go out with his motherâ because she will be mad if we didn't go. I explained how I was feeling and he yelled at me and said, Îfine, I will go myselfâ and that ÎI didn't need someone here for meâ, and he left me all by my self. I am confused because I donât know how to talk to him and make him understand and, hopefully, you can help me. I have tried talking to him I have even tried yelling at him. I have tried everything and I donât know what else to do. A - Dear Amanda, The Îconfusionâ you feel is not really confusion. You already know the answer and itâs not the one you want to Îknowâ..is it? Here you are, at 19 with a real honest-to-goodness boyfriend who loves you......EXCEPT when youâre sick. Youâve even thought about Îsomeday.........â with him. Except Îsomedayâ also includes bouts with morning sickness, childrenâs sickness.....and all the other stuff that goes into making Îreal lifeâ (Remember how the words go.........âin sickness and in health....â?) At this stage in life, everyoneâs still Îfirming upâ, as it were, how to Îbeâ in the world and, if he hasnât had the experience of love and kindness from a parent during his times of sickness, or if he comes from a family where everyoneâs expected to Îtough it outâ and he has seen his dad be all Îmanly and not mushyâ, then his softer side has vanished. You KNOW that a four year old boy would love the mom and dadâs loving attention when HE gets sick.....you might wonder how it is that that little four year old grew into the nineteen year old that you now have in your life. If you are willing to understand that THIS is, (probably), not the guy for you as far as marriage goes, this will be a lot easier on you. Yes, these guys abound. I donât know what causes their indifference to their partnerâs suffering.....it has something to do with empathy and with how they deal with their own anxiety levels under this kind of stress....sort of the Îwalk it offâ kind of thinking. YOU have memories of, and expectations that, someone will be kind to you when you are ill. Not only does he not think/feel this way, but shows anger in its stead. AND he doesnât show interest in developing empathy at ALL. Amanda.....begin to Îlet him goâ...heâs fine, (for now), but donât you want a better match for your married life? Enjoy what he does have to offer and learn from that, stick to your studies and live through the hurt of saying Îgoodbyeâ. Being without a guy isnât the worst thing in the world....and being WITH the wrong guy can, in a marital situation, be worse that you can, (I hope), possibly imagine. There are other, more empathetic, guys out there.....and youâll be very glad that you found someone more compatible. - Annabelle