Q - Dear Annabelle, I am not quite sure how this works but at this point I am willing to try and cope or change or save my relationship- I am, or was, engaged ......he has recently told me (after being together for 2 years and almost 1 year of our engagement), ..... anyway he said, that, since we live 2 1/2 hours apart, that our relationship is not going to work -- and he is not ready for commitment. I am so crushed and overwhelmed with pain -- i can't even think straight. I know we still love each other -- I sincerely think he is trying to cope with a lot of inner conflict of growing up and he thinks that I am too good for him -- & we are so different -- we are different but those differences are what have kept us alive -- that is until recently -- I guess this leads me to ask you for advise on what I should do? say? feel? act? anything will help thank you for you time A - Dear Amber, Ouch.......!I can feel how much you are hurting and I think everyone who reads this can empathize with the terrible pain youāre going through. Now, grab a hanky and letās go through this, ok? Rule #1: It doesnāt matter WHAT he Īsaidā........the situation is an IS. Maybe he didnāt know Īhow toā accurately organize his thoughts and feelings, he DOES KNOW that he doesnāt want to marry you. That this is excruciating for YOU is true. That this is not THE person for you doesnāt even register with you right now. That you are too young to marry...in ANY case....is also true. You have a great deal of maturing to do and, to marry at this age, would invite terrible trouble in just a few years. Marriage, Īrealā marriage, which is what Iām assuming you want, is a joining of relative equals in a binding legal contract...itās NOT just a beautiful dress and a fabulous party. Thatās the CELEBRATION of Īmarriageā. The process is a lot more complicated than your fantasies can let you believe at this point. However, your pain is very real. You asked for my Īadviceā, Iāll give you my OPINION. In my OPINION, itās going to take you a couple of years to even get over this shock so you may as well make good use of the time. Whatever happens, ALWAYS behave in a manner that will not cause you later embarrassment. Now, attend to your studies at school and, even through your pain, realize that while this was not a pleasant thing, that whatever it was that caused this, it was for a good AND sound reason. I know you donāt want to believe this and that your rationalization abilities are going a mile a minute. Whatever it was that caused the situation will continue to cause it. There are other guys out there....that you want THIS one is understandable. However, you are taking as personal, (and, yes, the rejection IS Īpersonal), something that really is an indicator that the two of you are not a Īmatchā. Someone OUT THERE IS a Īmatchā. This person can just be Īsomeone you knowā.....your lifeās mate is yet for you to find. Now, I know parents are no darned good at a time like this, but they DO love you and it would be very gracious of you to allow, your mom at least, to hug you. Theyāre hurting for you too. - Annabelle Q - Dear Annabelle, I want to thank you so much for your advice. Although I am still hurting, I want you to know that your advice has helped me cope and understand the way I feel and the way things are today! Thank you so much!! A - Dear Amber, You're very welcome. Things will be terribly difficult for you, especially at this time of year. Know that others have suffered this agony and that the strong ones have made it through and learned from the experience. Maintain the joy of your existence and find a 'cause' for these next few weeks where you can give the love you have to others in need. These actions will help you take your mind off your immediate anguish and will help to assuage your very personal, and very real, pain with the knowledge that, even though you are dying inside, you have been able to rise above this situation and maintain, not only your dignity, but contribute some good thing to our world. This is called 'being a grownup'. - Annabelle