Q - Dear Annabelle, I'm a freshmen in college and my girlfriend of almost one year lives in Dallas. Last week she cam down to visit me and to tell me something very important. Last Friday a male friend of hers was giving her a back massage when he started to kiss her neck. One thing led to another and she wound up in bed with him. She came down to tell me this. She was the first person to tell me this happened and that she feels terrible about it. I still love her and I think I can forgive her overtime. The question I have though is should I forgive her? A - Dear Brad, Oops....if the question is ĪSHOULD you Īforgive herā, thatās something between you and your conscience. (Did she ask forgiveness?) Letās go over the Īforgiveness equationā suggested by Dr. Laura Schlessinger, with which I heartily concur. There are three parts; Recognition, (that the Īdeedā was even done), Repent, (that the behavior took place), and Repair, (correcting, if possible, by whatever means necessary, damage done by the action). Now, being 18, it is understandable that your girlfriend MIGHT not have had, at the forefront of her awareness, that being alone with another guy is tempting, and if she and you are in a committed relationship, that sort of thing shows really Īnot goodā judgment. Thereās an old saying Īnothing propinks like propinquityā....and to not only be alone with a member of the opposite sex, but to be engaging in any kind of physical contact is just asking for trouble. DNA cares only about creating more DNA and, your feelings aside, anytime your girlfriend puts her DNA within easy reach of another maleās DNA, well, she was just asking for the Īautoprogramā to kick in. Now that weāve dealt with lack of judgment, youāre going to have to ask yourself what you know about her character and impulse control. These are seriously in question here. The bad news is that you are hurting, the good news is that, if you want to rationalize this all as a learning experience, you can, but you might want to keep in mind that in life, Īpeople get to be just who they areā. That you feel betrayed would be understandable. Now....think about this......would you rather that she told you or that she had kept the whole matter to herself? She may be so shocked by the outcome of her behavior that never, ever, will this kind of thing recur. Thatās the advantage of being young,........the resilient ability to Īlearn form oneās mistakesā and, one would hope, to make Īcorrectionsā. Everyoneās been young and I would imagine that most everyone has done some really stupid action at some point along the way. Itās almost ALWAYS better, when one has done something of this nature, that the person burdened by having done the deed, show good enough judgment to keep quiet about it and not pain the Īotherā who has been betrayed. ĪTellingā is an odd and, essentially selfish, thing to do. True, she may have done it because she wanted your forgiveness, but do you see, Brad, how the vacillating emotions of late adolescence and young adulthood can make the wisdom of waiting to select a life partner until the mid twenties a really good idea? - Annabelle