Q - Dear Annabelle, I broke up with my boyfriend of 9 1/2 months two weeks ago. He already has a new girlfriend. Because I threatened suicide when he broke up with me, I have been forbidden to date again. He and I were very close. We even talked about getting married once I graduated high school. He broke up with me because I lied to him. Lately, we've been talking occasionally. All the guidance counselors at school say we need to get back together. He even told his new girlfriend that he still loves me. He told me that he really did not want to break up with me. He is going through a tough time now and so am I. The thing is, I know I can't live without him. I may be young but I've always known when I was in love and when I wasn't. Do you think it's possible that we'll get back together? He says that now I have an 80% chance. I hope that's good. A - Dear Lauren, At 16, with the emotions about Īlove and romanceā being so new and uncontrolled, and with all the literature and film about life and death, passion and romance, things can get terribly confusing for a budding young lady. That you have been Īforbidden to date againā is understandable. You probably scared your parents to death! Honey, I donāt know if you can even BEGIN to understand that what you WANT RIGHT NOW is Īinstant gratificationā....something very understandable, though very reminiscent of a two-year olds developmental stage. The adolescent years are very fluid in their developmental levels and you got your heart strings yanked .....but good, and then threatened to Īhold your breath until you turned blueā....in whatever form that took. You take your life lightly, and this Īloveā very seriously only because you havenāt yet a context for understanding the glorious creation you inhabit. Your body is going to carry you through many years of experiences, most good, some bad, some very painful. Now, if you Īoffā your body, youāre going to miss one of the great thrill rides of all time. Hey, I was 16 once, (though your experience happened to me at 15), and I remember the excruciating pain of the whole thing. To this DAY my Īimmatureā self cannot stand the Īotherā girl......though that was decades ago now. The feelings you are having are very, very REAL.....to you. But, to be manipulative, (yes it WAS manipulative), and threaten suicide is a very, very serious Ī no-noā. That you also might have done it has just scared everyone. Look, youāre hurting, big time, but it would be a VERY good idea for you to settle down a bit here and realize one of the really boring Ītruthsā of life....whatever it was that Ībroke upā the relationship the first time, would continue to break it up again.......and again.......and again. You said that you Īliedā to him. Well, you are still young enough to STOP that behavior once and for all. Lying, (when your words cannot be trusted and you forego your honor and character), is a VERY bad thing. Our characters and reputations are ALL that we have in this world.......and those are what we build......THOSE are what we guard with our lives......THOSE are WHO WE ARE. Now, your pain WILL pass. Not this week or next, most certainly not in time for Christmas or New Yearās, probably not even in time for Valentineās Day, but pass it will. Get yourself busy....to help pass the time, attend to your studies, (those are a constant and are the Ībridgeā to your future successes, and FIND A CHARITY to devote yourself to this holiday season. There are people out there who need your time and attention. There are people who are hungry, abused, and dying for want of love. You have lots to give. You live in a beautiful state.......go to your local hospital, a childrenās hospital if there is one, and volunteer your time, and the Īloveā you have to share ........and see what joy YOU can bring to someone whose life has taken an unpleasant turn. This wonāt automatically lessen your pain, but, substituting an activity for dwelling on your own aching heart is a time-tested way of getting past lifeās boo-boos. Then, many years from now, when you have a 16 year old of your own, youāll more clearly understand how very near you came to losing one of the most precious gifts bestowed on any creature......your humanity. - Annabelle