Q - Dear Annabelle, I have had this boyfriend for almost two months and we had sex after twenty days. I don't regret anything at all. We don't have sex all of the time, but I think that we rushed into things because we both got out of relationships to be with each other. I had sex with my ex-boyfriend after six months, so I feel that since I have already had sex with one person, then it doesn't really matter. He keeps telling me that were going to be together forever and I feel the same way. When were together, everything is great. We have more of a mental relationship than a physical one, which I think is perfect. With my ex-boyfriend we were very touchy feely. I am in love with this guy. He seems so perfect for me. I can see that he wants to do everything and anything for me. I can see us together forever. I'll be nineteen in a month and he'll be twenty in six days. I want to do something really special for his birthday, but I don't know what to do. He already has plans for what he's going to do for my birthday, and everyone he has told says that it's really special. I'm afraid to get my hopes up and get them crushed. I guess if I don't, then I'll never learn, right? Am i rushing into too much so soon? A - Dear Buffy, Yes, you are most definitely Īrushing into too much too soonā. You see, it feels just so Īgrown upā to defy your parentās directives and have sex even though theyāve told you not to. (Hey, what do THEY know, anyway?) Part of the problem of having a sexual relationship outside of marriage is, not only does it risk bringing a life into the world in an unprotected situation, i.e., absent an established two parent home, it also trivializes sex and can even result in a desensitization to the amazing complexity and bonding possibilities contained in a marital sexual relationship. (Think about what youāve already told me: ćSince Iāve already had sex it doesnāt matterä.....oh, yes it does!) Sure, young people have the Īurgeā to have sex, however, part of maturational development is learning to put Īspacersā between Īurgesā and Īactionsā....that is what being Īgrownupā means...not just acting upon biological directives. (I do apologize for not being able to answer you letter sooner, sometimes the mail is overwhelming.) You asked about doing something for his birthday. ĪDoing something specialā for a fellow can mean many things....when you really care for someone, youāve been able to use your empathetic abilities to know what would make their hearts smile. Guys, especially, like to feel appreciated and approved of....and they LOVE being fed. When they have a young lady whom they like, they REALLY like it when she looks at them, smiles, and just says something like......āyouāre terrificā. Now, that may sound really corny and dorky, but that Īspecialā femaleās approval is very very much sought after....and needed. That youāve begun a sexual relationship may make it difficult to slow down and stop. If this guy really IS a Īkeeperā you donāt want to be putting yourselves in a position where you are risking things that youād rather not face just now. You sound like a, (relatively), mature young lady.....stop doing things that ARENāT in your best interests and focus and doing things that ARE in your interests. That you both feel as if youāre going to be Ītogether foreverā may be just that, a Īfeelingā....or you may actually BE together forever. You both have some serious maturing to do on the growth curve to being 25+, so pay attention to your studies and to your plans for the future.......it may be that things will work out as you hope, perhaps not. Place your Ībetsā so, no matter which way it goes, you will have a wonderful life. - Annabelle