Q - Dear Annabelle, I've got a question. I'm a freshman in high school and there's this girl that I really like that's in one of my classes. We've talked quite a bit. And lately we've been having longer conversations as we walk from the World Civ room over to the other side of the school. She's quite friendly to me and even initiates some conversations. My question is: How do I tell if she likes me? Are there any signs to look for? And, with that out of the way, is there a way to gauge whether or not she would go out with me? I don't want to look like a total fool and ask her out if she would never go out with me. I'd greatly appreciate some advice. A - Dear Ben, Let me cut and paste the indices that she likes you and then Iâll answer in more detail. How do I tell if she likes me? 1. ãWe've talked quite a bit.ä ....This age is about Îtestingâ and Îpracticingâ, seeing what works, what Îfeels goodâ in interpersonal exchanges. Young men, and women, practice talking with each other, navigating toward persons with whom they feel comfortable, and away from those who are off-putting. That she continues to talk with you is, possibly, a good sign. (I say Îpossiblyâ, because if you drift into the dreaded Îfriendâ category, then you get to listen to her recitations about some OTHER guy sheâs interested in.) Yuk. 2. ãLately we've been having longer conversations as we walk.ä .....Again, sheâs showing an increased comfort level with you...now if youâre TOO easy and TOO reliable, once she gets Îcomfortableâ she MAY begin to increase her social range and then you get relegated to Îfriendâ. Double yuk. 3. She's quite friendly to me and even initiates some conversations. .....This is also very good.......AGAIN, being just a LITTLE mysterious, a LITTLE Îhard to getâ is better than the drooling puppy bit, (now I know you wouldnât do this on purpose, but, trust me, Îpuppy eyesâ will give you away every time.) ãIs there a way to gauge whether or not she would go out with me?ä .....Well, let me give you something that works very well..and worked very well for someone whom I hold in very high esteem. You might consider saying to her: ãMelody, (using her real name would be an awfully good idea here), hypothetically speaking, of course, if I were to ask you to go out with me, would that be something you would do?ä Itâs just silly, clever, and funny enough to take some of the Îseriousnessâ off the question. Remember, this age is so very changeable, on all sides, and yet, some of the greatest hurts take place here...........real broken hearts, real psychic injuries that can linger for a lifetime. It would be so nice if everyone realized that ALL of these interchanges really ARE just Îrun-upsâ for being in the mid-20âs....really, itâs just practice, run-throughs to find out about how YOU 'are', and how everyone else 'is'. ALL of this that, in these years seems so VERY serious, because youâre just now getting your Îfeelingsâ for the first time .......but having them mixed in with the incredible hormone rush makes EVERY thing, every decision seem so VERY important........itâs just terribly hard for young people your age to realize that you have YEARS ahead where this stuff is REALLY going to come in handy. If you can JUST learn to take things with the proverbial âgrain of saltâ, as it were, and to focus on school, on studies and on planning your future, THAT will help you through the rocky shoals you are now traversing. ãI don't want to look like a total fool and ask her out, if she would never go out with me. ã .....ok, this is the tough one........at some point in life, and you may as well learn it now, when you WANT something, you *ASK* for it. All of life is one transaction after another, and the courageous ones get the prize....period. Now, NO one is going to think that youâre a Îtotal foolâ if you ask her out, (see above) and she isnât interested. Hey, it happens.....to *E*V*E*R*Y one...(ouch). I know she is Îspecialâ for you.....and, with luck and good fortune, and the right timing...(and those three elements, plus preparedness, are how EVERYONE negotiates life), things will turn out well for you. Now, if you DO get turned down, IF you can avoid being crestfallen or cranky, and maintain the lightheartedness that youth is SUPPOSED to have at this age...(and so few do because the tendency is to take it all too seriously), THEN, when word gets around that youâre DIFFERENT, (because you can *maintain your sense of humor under stress*), you will again have the opportunity for the fair ladyâs company. Young ladies like young gentlemen who have: 1. Good manners 2. A passion for life and for their future career ...(that translates to financial safety for the future wife and children and is VERY alluring to young women.) 3. A sense of humor.........(positive stuff, not raunchy). 4. A willingness to, if the occasion should arise, meet the young ladyâs parents and who know how to HOLD A CONVERSATION with same. OK, this has gotten very long...it should hold you for awhile. Now, get out there.......and be one of the Îgood guysâ........the world needs you. - Annabelle