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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I thank you for your letter. So I question you again. So a young 16 year old girl like me can't know what real love is? I swear I am in love with him though only because I have never felt the way I do with Tim. I am over whelmed with love I can't even control my feelings for him. He means so much to me so you think this is just a feeling or emotion that will just pass away but I am totally in LOVE or something that is eating me to death I would die for him. So what would you call my feelings then. Could you describe what real love is so I can understand and know if that is what i have with Tim please I trust your advice you are very helpful.
A - Dear Anna,
You sound like a very thoughtful young lady, so lets see if I canāt clarify this a bit more. ARE the Īfeelingsā youāre have now ĪLOVEā? *Yes*,.......absolutely. Remember in the movie ĪBambiā when all the young animals became Ītwitterpatedā? They all blushed and stammered and were awash is the beauty and wonder of this, (really fabulous!), Īfeelingā. Thereās also a very popular song from, (I think), the 50ās called ĪYoung Love, First Loveā. (Iām not sure what the title for the one about ĪFirst Heartbreakā is but itās there somewhere too!))
You sound absolutely besotted, (that means Īdrunkā), with the emotion. Now....one, ENJOY the feeling, take all the notes you like, (some pretty good novels and films have been written about this.....even Cameronās recent ĪTitanicā...sort of)........, as long as you donāt let you emotions carry you away and, two,.... keep your clothes on and your intimate body parts separate....itās lifeās great and glorious thrill ride. Remember, your basic DNA wiring has programmed you to find a compatible set of DNA. ALL the DNA Īcares aboutā is creating more DNA. ĪItā absolutely doesnāt care that YOU, Anna, may want to finish high school, go on to college and be a much more mature woman before you mix YOUR DNA with HIS DNA.........youāre simply Īprogrammedā to perpetuate the species......the Īcarrotā on that Īstickā is the incredible rush of overwhelming emotions that you are now experiencing.
So, letās see what we can do to allow you to savor the moments without you waking up some morning having created a new life........ok? THIS is why parents say Īno sex until youāre marriedā...and stuff like that. Actually there are other reasons, but letās stick with this one. Back in Īancient timesā, (when Annabelle was young), most young people learned to express their feelings in all sorts of creative ways without having a sexual relations. Now, thereās beginning to be a resurgence of that time. Itās actually MORE fun to put up some boundaries and to say Īnoā to sex before marriage and stick with hand holding and a little kissing. I donāt want to get too long here, but YOU, Anna, are developing YOU as a person and learning how to regulate your SELF, doing what is, in the long run, best for YOU. (Hint: thatās called being Īmature). Children raid the Īcandy storeā, Īmatureā people know how to postpone gratification until a more appropriate time.........and the appropriate time to Īput the match to the powder kegā as it were, is in the context of marriage where the wife/mother and baby are protected by the husband/father.
Remember, ANY one can Īhave sexā.......itās the young people who choose to act responsibly who grow to make our community, (and ALL of us are part of the Īcommunity), stronger for the offspring.
(I do hope youāre taking notesā here)......theyāre be a pop quiz any moment. (In the form of your overheated self wanting to do more than kiss.) Anyway, Anna, youāre in a very special part of your life, one that you will always remember. If you take a little care, the memories will be pleasant and happy ones. Have a wonderful Holiday Season.....and enjoy this glorious time of your life.....safely! ; )
- Annabelle
Q - Dear Annabelle,
Is there really any way you can really know if you are in love? And how do you know your boyfriend is really devoted to you when he says it, but does he really mean it? My boyfriend says he Īlovesā me but doesn't always show it. Does he really care or not?
A - Dear Anna,
Well, the Ībadā new and the Īgoodā news are the same....youāre 16. For 16 year olds, both boys and girls, the Īfeelingā of love is so new that itās easy to think that itās Īrealā. Love, REAL love, is not (just) the warm fuzzies all over. It IS that, of course, some of the time......but REAL love is the sort of thing that will get you through years and years of ups and downs in a relationship. Remember, Īfeelingsā are just feelings.....and are usually ephemeral..........that means they donāt last and are transient. For adolescents, feelings can go around about as fast as revolving doors. Your bodies have just had the last major system, the hormonal/endocrine system kick in full blast .....(and it didnāt come with a users manual.) About the best you can do is remember to smile, stand up straight, donāt let too many people see you cry when it hurts, laugh when you can, and try try TRY not to do anything hurtful to yourself....or to anyone else...while you get a handle on what to you SEEMS Īgrownupā and wonāt be, for almost another, gasp............decade.
Your best bet with your Īboyfriendā is to just be your warm and friendly self, make it easy for HIM to laugh, (guys have trouble at this age too, you know), and at the very least, you wonāt have it on your conscience that you blew out a relationship Īcause you were petulant and demanding....! ; )
- Annabelle
Q - Dear Annabelle,
I thank you for your letter. So I question you again. So a young 16 year old girl like me can't know what real love is? I swear I am in love with him though only because I have never felt the way I do with Tim. I am over whelmed with love I can't even control my feelings for him. He means so much to me so you think this is just a feeling or emotion that will just pass away but I am totally in LOVE or something that is eating me to death I would die for him. So what would you call my feelings then. Could you describe what real love is so I can understand and know if that is what i have with Tim please I trust your advice you are very helpful.
A - Dear Anna,
You sound like a very thoughtful young lady, so lets see if I canāt clarify this a bit more. ARE the Īfeelingsā youāre have now ĪLOVEā? *Yes*,.......absolutely. Remember in the movie ĪBambiā when all the young animals became Ītwitterpatedā? They all blushed and stammered and were awash is the beauty and wonder of this, (really fabulous!), Īfeelingā. Thereās also a very popular song from, (I think), the 50ās called ĪYoung Love, First Loveā. (Iām not sure what the title for the one about ĪFirst Heartbreakā is but itās there somewhere too!))
You sound absolutely besotted, (that means Īdrunkā), with the emotion. Now....one, ENJOY the feeling, take all the notes you like, (some pretty good novels and films have been written about this.....even Cameronās recent ĪTitanicā...sort of)........, as long as you donāt let you emotions carry you away and, two,.... keep your clothes on and your intimate body parts separate....itās lifeās great and glorious thrill ride. Remember, your basic DNA wiring has programmed you to find a compatible set of DNA. ALL the DNA Īcares aboutā is creating more DNA. ĪItā absolutely doesnāt care that YOU, Anna, may want to finish high school, go on to college and be a much more mature woman before you mix YOUR DNA with HIS DNA.........youāre simply Īprogrammedā to perpetuate the species......the Īcarrotā on that Īstickā is the incredible rush of overwhelming emotions that you are now experiencing.
So, letās see what we can do to allow you to savor the moments without you waking up some morning having created a new life........ok? THIS is why parents say Īno sex until youāre marriedā...and stuff like that. Actually there are other reasons, but letās stick with this one. Back in Īancient timesā, (when Annabelle was young), most young people learned to express their feelings in all sorts of creative ways without having a sexual relations. Now, thereās beginning to be a resurgence of that time. Itās actually MORE fun to put up some boundaries and to say Īnoā to sex before marriage and stick with hand holding and a little kissing. I donāt want to get too long here, but YOU, Anna, are developing YOU as a person and learning how to regulate your SELF, doing what is, in the long run, best for YOU. (Hint: thatās called being Īmature). Children raid the Īcandy storeā, Īmatureā people know how to postpone gratification until a more appropriate time.........and the appropriate time to Īput the match to the powder kegā as it were, is in the context of marriage where the wife/mother and baby are protected by the husband/father.
Remember, ANY one can Īhave sexā.......itās the young people who choose to act responsibly who grow to make our community, (and ALL of us are part of the Īcommunity), stronger for the offspring.
(I do hope youāre taking notesā here)......theyāre be a pop quiz any moment. (In the form of your overheated self wanting to do more than kiss.) Anyway, Anna, youāre in a very special part of your life, one that you will always remember. If you take a little care, the memories will be pleasant and happy ones. Have a wonderful Holiday Season.....and enjoy this glorious time of your life.....safely! ; )
- Annabelle
Q - Dear Annabelle,
I thank you for your letter. So I question you again. So a young 16 year old girl like me can't know what real love is? I swear I am in love with him though only because I have never felt the way I do with Tim. I am overwhelmed with love I can't even control my feelings for him. He means so much to me so you think this is just a feeling or emotion that will just pass away but I am totally in LOVE or something that is eating me to death I would die for him. So what would you call my feelings then? Could you describe what Īrealā love is so I can understand and know if that is what I have with Tim please I trust your advice you are very helpful.
A - Dear Anna,
Yes, what you are feeling IS Īrealā love.....just remember that Īloveā comes in many forms. The Īloveā that you are feeling right now is Īpassionateā love....itās designed to get one carrier of DNA in close enough proximity with another, complementary carrier of DNA to intermingle said DNA. (There, now doesnāt THAT just sound oh, so romantic?). This kind of Īloveā can, and does, burn itself down after two or three years and becomes more of the Īwarm, friendly fireā kind of thing....thatās the kind of love that keeps the family going over the rough spots during the course of years.
Then, after a bit, when your love has seen you through one-too-many difficult times and there have been one-too-many cranky occasions, the kind of love that gets you through and past the very difficult times is the love that comes from good character...and from memory of just Īwhy it isā that you Īloveā this person in the first place.
You see, Anna, that mad, passionate love that resulted in those little munchkins now running everywhere and driving both of you quite mad .....and having each of you thinking that Īsomewhere out thereā the grass really IS greener and your Īreal loveā lies ANY where else but here with THIS person, is still yet another form of love. Only THIS time, itās the love that you have for your children and family and, it you are religious, for your family church life, that, again, gets you through times that MAY not be nearly as much fun as they are right now ........when you have none of the responsibilities that, as parents and Īold marriedsā you WILL have.
Then, some day, the munchkins will have grown up, having learned from you and dad about Īloveā and they will leave home. Then you and he will look at each other, breath a little sad sigh of great relief and, if youāve kept your love life in good repair, your love will burn more brightly yet, and you will experience a lovely quiet kind of companionate love where you will go as much further down the path of life as you can.......together.
The children will come home to visit, must as you will do with your parents, and they will go away again off to their lives. You will have each other until one of you dies....then you will have the memories of love. Itās all quite wonderful and often very painful. Along the way glorious things will happen and heartbreaking events will occur. Itās a lovely and dangerous road........itās well worth the journey.
- Annabelle
Q - Dear Annabelle,
I thank you for your letter. So I question you again. So a young 16 year old girl like me can't know what real love is? I swear I am in love with him though only because I have never felt the way I do with Tim. I am over whelmed with love I can't even control my feelings for him. He means so much to me so you think this is just a feeling or emotion that will just pass away but I am totally in LOVE or something that is eating me to death I would die for him. So what would you call my feelings then. Could you describe what real love is so I can understand and know if that is what i have with Tim please I trust your advice you are very helpful.
A - Dear Anna,
You sound like a very thoughtful young lady, so lets see if I canāt clarify this a bit more. ARE the Īfeelingsā youāre have now ĪLOVEā? *Yes*,.......absolutely. Remember in the movie ĪBambiā when all the young animals became Ītwitterpatedā? They all blushed and stammered and were awash is the beauty and wonder of this, (really fabulous!), Īfeelingā. Thereās also a very popular song from, (I think), the 50ās called ĪYoung Love, First Loveā. (Iām not sure what the title for the one about ĪFirst Heartbreakā is but itās there somewhere too!))
You sound absolutely besotted, (that means Īdrunkā), with the emotion. Now....one, ENJOY the feeling, take all the notes you like, (some pretty good novels and films have been written about this.....even Cameronās recent ĪTitanicā...sort of)........, as long as you donāt let you emotions carry you away and, two,.... keep your clothes on and your intimate body parts separate....itās lifeās great and glorious thrill ride. Remember, your basic DNA wiring has programmed you to find a compatible set of DNA. ALL the DNA Īcares aboutā is creating more DNA. ĪItā absolutely doesnāt care that YOU, Anna, may want to finish high school, go on to college and be a much more mature woman before you mix YOUR DNA with HIS DNA.........youāre simply Īprogrammedā to perpetuate the species......the Īcarrotā on that Īstickā is the incredible rush of overwhelming emotions that you are now experiencing.
So, letās see what we can do to allow you to savor the moments without you waking up some morning having created a new life........ok? THIS is why parents say Īno sex until youāre marriedā...and stuff like that. Actually there are other reasons, but letās stick with this one. Back in Īancient timesā, (when Annabelle was young), most young people learned to express their feelings in all sorts of creative ways without having a sexual relations. Now, thereās beginning to be a resurgence of that time. Itās actually MORE fun to put up some boundaries and to say Īnoā to sex before marriage and stick with hand holding and a little kissing. I donāt want to get too long here, but YOU, Anna, are developing YOU as a person and learning how to regulate your SELF, doing what is, in the long run, best for YOU. (Hint: thatās called being Īmature). Children raid the Īcandy storeā, Īmatureā people know how to postpone gratification until a more appropriate time.........and the appropriate time to Īput the match to the powder kegā as it were, is in the context of marriage where the wife/mother and baby are protected by the husband/father.
Remember, ANY one can Īhave sexā.......itās the young people who choose to act responsibly who grow to make our community, (and ALL of us are part of the Īcommunity), stronger for the offspring.
(I do hope youāre taking notesā here)......theyāre be a pop quiz any moment. (In the form of your overheated self wanting to do more than kiss.) Anyway, Anna, youāre in a very special part of your life, one that you will always remember. If you take a little care, the memories will be pleasant and happy ones. Have a wonderful Holiday Season.....and enjoy this glorious time of your life.....safely! ; )
- Annabelle
Q - Dear Annabelle,
I thank you again for all your help I really appreciate it a lot. Don't think I 'm wacko or anything because I write you so much I just have so many questions and you seem to help me in a nice way. I had a hard time understanding the second letter but I eventually got it. Ok straight to my third question, (sorry so many). I'm only 16 and a sophomore in high school and, sad to say, I've gone a little bit farther than I wanted to. So I guess that was my main idea of all the questions, especially the first one (Does he really love me.....?)
I really wondered only because if I gave part of myself I feel as if I gave all myself. I actually wondered if that is all he wanted of me. He says if that was all he wanted and was just using me he would have been gone along time ago I agree to some point. I don't know how a male thinks, like you said, I'm still really young for such a commitment I have all ready given. But I am in such a deep, deep puppy love I just can't control it. We've talked and, if we stay together for the next 2 1/2 years, (until I'm out of high school), we want to get married. I think it could really work out only because I believe you can fall in love at my age, which I feel I have. He is really not as bad as I may make him sound. He is really a sweetheart. He is not like the guys who really do use their girlfriends. He has stuck by what he has done and learned to help control himself. I love him no matter what anyone says. Yes, this relationship may only last for a short while but he will always be the love of my life. He has taken a big part in my heart. So what do I do? Am I really fooling myself or could this be real? What do you think of it all after what I have just told you?
A - Dear Anna,
As I mentioned some time earlier, your maturational curve between now and 25 is going to be very steep. IF he Īwaits for youā to graduate high school you are STILL going to have that Īmaturingā take place. IF you Īseal a bondā with someone right now, you may, in fact, interfere with you own development. Can if be done? HAS it been done, (successfully)? Of course. *HOWEVER* the statistics against it are overwhelming. This is just WHY Īstories that youāve heard/read/whateverā are so popular. If this kind of event were Īeverydayā it wouldnāt be at all remarkable.
I believe you when you say that heās really a nice guy....Iām sure thatās the only kind youād choose, Anna. However, even nice guys have raging hormones. What Īnice guysā often then do is feel love for the object of their attentions. They work very hard to be as honorable in their beliefs and their actions as is possible. The emotionality of this stage is really, really intense. That your actual maturational curve is working independently of your emotional roller coaster is what will often cause this kind of thing to come a cropper. Everyone MEANS well...just keep THAT in mind here...ok?
The BEST thing to do right now is to protect YOURSELF. That protection takes the form of having a life plan and a passion for what YOU, Anna, are here to give to the world. (And, no, that does NOT include one more pregnant teenager....ok? ; ) As you know, all this emotional rush is heady stuff. That youāre playing with natureās fire is all too apparent. Trust me, if you DO get through this unscathed, and one day you have teenage children, you are going to have to impart all this information that Iām giving you .....to them.........and, boy, are YOU going to have to wrestle with your memories of doing what YOUR folks have asked you not to do!! Remember, sometimes it seems, (and is), as if all of life is slipping ourselves past the forces of destruction. A living, breathing Īoopsieā, in the form of a darling and unplanned baby boy or girl, is one that will then require ALL of your time, love, and attention......and, donāt you want to apply that, appropriately to YOU for the next few years?
Yes, Anna, I know how you feel. And, yes, this actually MAY be Īthe love of your lifeā.....again, the chances against it are extreme. (More mature love is amazing...wait a bit for it). That it will be one of your lovliest and strongest memories is a given. Like it or not, that olā maturational curve is likely going to throw YOU for a curve somewhere along the way. If you were even 23, or so, Iād give you a slightly better chance....but, at 16 going on 17......thereās almost NO chance. None. (And I know you donāt EVER want this to end.)
Remember, what weāre talking about here is the love that will carry you to the Īdeath do us partā stage.......(and no, that does not mean murder).....though even that though will cross you mind at some point. There are enormous components of personal maturity that go into making that kind of decision....the road is long, and, while wonderful, can also be wildly bumpy....even treacherous. THATāS what the Īmaturityā stuff will help you to handle.
Keep this in mind, Anna, maybe it will help. ALL things end. Everything. Period. Sometimes the best way to either keep them going or to, at the very least, keep them from ending badly, is to keep an eye on that eventual end. The better one can behave at every step along the way the better oneās chances for surviving WHATEVER may happen. (And of NOT having horrible memories...thatās always something to take into account.) Remember, nothing in life is a Īgivenā...except that you are very loved. Be careful with your self, your parents are hoping that YOU love you too.
- Annabelle
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