Q - Dear Annabelle, Iâve recently have been feeling like I'm drifting away from one of my bestest friends. His name is Mike. Recently I got a job and he don't got one yet which means we really don't get to see each other as much as we would like to. I mean, we hangout whenever we can get time, that I'm grateful for, but he has this other friend ...his name is Chris. Whenever Mike hangs out with Chris, or any of his other friends, he acts so different. I try to shrug it off, but sometimes some of the things he says or does is sometimes not so nice. When it's the two of us he'll act normal, I just don't understand. Is he just showing off because his friends are around and he don't want to feel left out, or is he just very insecure about himself? I don't know. Can you try your best to help me out, I would really appreciate it. Thank you ... A - Dear Jay, Youâre 17, so Iâll assume Mike is the same age. (This is the time of life when most young people are pretty close in age for friend selection.) Now, the bad news is that all of you at the stage are going through a pretty fluid time as far as Îwho you areâ in the world. Chris has some part of him that Mike is responding to...therefore the friendship and the Îacting differentâ. Ideally, everyone gets to go along on the same journey as friends develop from adolescents into almost-adults, but thatâs just not the case. The result is one of the most common Îfeeling coupletsâ that I see, i.e., Îhurt and confusedâ. (Trust me, If I left every signature or subject as it came in, Îthe VERY common Îhurt and confusedâ would overpopulate the place.) Now, I KNOW this really IS hurting and confusing you....especially if you and Mike have been close friends for some time now. I know how HARD it is to find a really good and close friend and it hurts something awful when they either move away or find another and, for them, more suitable, friend. Since you note that, when around the Chirs-person and the others, Mike acts Îdifferentâ, I want to tell you that people DO select friends who are a reflection of how the person doing the selecting sees themselves. If YOU and these other folk are appreciably different, well, no wonder you feel down about it. Is Mike insecure about himself?......yes, that would be my guess. Mature folk donât leave their old friends in the dust in their rush to acquire new ones. However, having said that, keep in mind, that the late teens are really ABOUT insecurity...and about how to deal with it. It could be that Mike is very impressed with Chris and his group and, as you call it, Îshows offâ to try to get their approval. If Chrisâ group does doesn't meet your standards, I know thatâs confusing for you too. If Chrisâ group DOES meet your standards and youâre not included, well, that will be felt as hurt. Either way, if you and Mike can just sit down and talk, (is this something guys do?), you might say, Îlook, Mike, weâve been friends for a long time and, when youâre with Chris, it feels to ME as if youâre treating me differently. How does it feel to you?â Now, to say Iâm not privy to what teenage guys talk about is an understatement. (When I was a teenager I seriously had no clue). In any case, this situation is an indicator that you need to focus on YOUR life and what YOUR Îjobâ is at this stage. (Oh, by the way, congratulations of having a job...and on doing it well!) You, at this stage are still finding out Îwhoâ you are and Îhow-things-work-for-youâ. That you do well at your new position is important, Îcause it provides spending $$ as well as the beginnings of independence, but your PRIMARY Îjobâ during these next several years is to get a GOOD education. You are going to focus on positioning yourself strongly in the working world, which, by the way, includes learning to INVEST some of the $$ you earn. At some point youâre going to want to pair up with another and having to capability to be an excellent provider is a very strong attractant. Now, back to your current Îhurt and confusionâ....about all you can do is to hone your OWN particular abilities, continue to build your OWN good character and integrity and write your OWN Îmission statementâ. If this ÎMikeâ thing doesnât straighten itself out, and I most certainly hope it will, (just because....as I said, good friends are hard to come by), then you need to move on, along your own path. Go back to the first page and click on the link for ÎThe Rules for Being Humanâ...they are oh, so true, and accepting the validity of them will make your journey in life a good deal easier. Thank you for writing and...may all of your life be something with which you can deal and be proud of! - Annabelle