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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I've been going out with this girl for 2 months. She always hangs out with other guys
and often talks of her ex-boyfriends. She says I am everything to her and that they don't mean anything to her, but she's had many many past boyfriends. I am crazy about her, but can't get over her being with other guys. I have told her, but she hasn't changed. She still tries to be friends with her ex boyfriends and won't move on. Am I wrong to feel hurt by her talking about other guys. Am I just being jealous? I don't get mad at her or anything, but it hurts me to hear of other guys she's kissed, or gone out with, or whatever. I don't want to break up with her at all, but can't get over her association with other guys. What should I do?
A - Dear Eric,
You know what? You sound like you could be a Īquality guyā...which brings me to the question, what are you, Eric, doing with an insecure and predatory female? Hey, I know youāre 18, and youth and hormones can explain a lot, but this girl isnāt going to change. Can you just imagine being MARRIED to her? Oh, THAT would be one of lifeās joys, wouldnāt it? You donāt have to Īget over her association with other guysā, .....just do yourself a (very) big favor and donāt be a part of it.
Now, how do you do that? That youāre so stoked on her indicates that she's triggering a memory in you. She, in some way reminds you of your mother, your first true love. Now, think for a moment, when you were four, you would have LOVED to have gotten rid of your father so you could have mom all to yourself. Since you couldnāt off good old dad, because he was too powerful, you made peace with him, but you still harbored that wish to have mom. (Donāt cringe..thatās basic, in one form or another with all of us). Now, here you have a female whoās got you by the heartstrings and SHE is talking about ...other guys....darn!
There's the hook......and sheās twisting it in your vulnerable heart. Now, if you can fast-forward you maturity a bit, you can take a good look at WHO this girl really is, and by that, Iām not referring to mom, Iām talking about who she REALLY is....HER scenario was that SHE wanted DAD, and, not being able to get him away from mom, takes out her newfound power against men ..........acquires as many as she can and is sure to tell all who will listen that she DID get her heartās desire, after all. Youāre just another piece on her chess board, and she on yours. Did THAT demythologize it a bit for you? You see, when you ARE older and more mature...this stuff, one, won't happen and, two, if it does, it wonāt even register.....you will have grown up and will be free of your parental struggles.
- Annabelle
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