Q - Dear Annabelle, My boyfriend and I started dating while he was in the Army in Kansas, (I am in Ohio.) It lasted like that for a year, then his time was up and he returned home to me in Ohio. We now have a place together and are raising two adorable kittens. My question for you is, is it possible to keep this going forever if we both do our best every day to make each other happy? A - Dear Jennifer, Yes. Now, what constitutes Īour bestā involves an engagement ring and a wedding date......AND living separately until you are married. Trust me, the Ītwo adorable kittensā do not care whether you are married or not....but YOU are going to care, and soon. Youāre playing at being Īgrownupā and youāve missed some very important stuff here. A very BIG one is that YOU AND HE havenāt finished growing yet and youāve already aligned yourself in what you THINK will be a permanent relationship. (Would you care to guess how many people I hear from, people a good deal further down lifeās road, who have done what YOU two are doing and are now dealing with emotional deadness and regret?) Jennifer, both of you have Īfeelingsā....but not the maturity to act in your own best interests. I would be very surprised is ANY adult, (i.e., parent type), told you that living together is THE way to happiness. ĪGetting naked and doing itā is a biological function... and one that produces kids. Within 3 YEARS the Īfunā that you are now having is going to become very hum drum, ......absent the total commitment to each other, (thatās the Īmarriageā part), and the maturity to make it through the relationship doldrums. I know that you have all sorts of excuses for NOT doing what I recommend. IF you do things in the Īproper orderā and invest each of those things with the reverence they so properly deserve, you have a much better chance of achieving your heartās desire. Jennifer, the day will come, sooner rather than later, when you know what Iām telling you is true.....actually, you know it now.....donāt you? Going back and starting over is going to be MUCH easier if you take action immediately. *Think*. How much do you want what you SAY you want? WHEN do you want it? And, Jennifer, WHAT are you WILLING TO GIVE UP to GET it????? - Annabelle Q - Dear Annabelle, Thanks for the advice, but I must be in denial. I think that what and I have is very special. We managed to have a long distance relationship for over a year while he was still in the Army, and we really got to know each others feelings and ways, so we get along great. We have discussed the marriage thing, but then money comes to mind, we're just now getting our life in order. I started college at a different school, and got a new job, and he just got out of the Army, he was a correctional officer, and has started a new job. We have too much going on right now to get married, we have each other and that's what matters to us. As hard as it seems to believe, our families are happy for us, and we make each other happy everyday, we do not need material things in our lives to make us happier. Everyone at first said give it a month or two and you'll be at each other, you'll be unhappy, you'll want to move back home, but guess what, they all found out soon enough, that they were wrong, and everyone admitted it to us face-to-face, so something must be right, don't ya think? I know it is hard to believe that two people can be perfectly happy together, but it can happen. I wrote to you for some hope, but all you did was upset me, as much as I hate to say it. A - Dear Jennifer, What you have is wonderful and very special...and enjoying it now is perfectly appropriate. Your question Īcan we keep this going foreverā is what led to the answer I gave you. At, 18 youāre both in the stage of life where you are still changing...and, absent more maturity, (about 7 years worth), the chances of your arriving in your late 20ās with the relationship intact are not high. Now, if you can realize what the challenges might be, and can commit to sticking together through whatever life may throw at you, .....and that includes the times when, not only are you not interested in each other but almost canāt stand each other, then you have a far better chance of this continuing than not ......(Now THAT was a real no-brainer comment...!) Anyway, there are few times in life as blissfully fun as the one that youāre in now. Ideally, it would continue, as you have wished, Īforeverā....yet if you, as you say, remain in denial, you will have less of a chance of actually going the distance, than if you take a look at what MAY happen and give a few moments to thinking how you would/will handle these situations as they arise. There is, in being married, a commitment to the relationship that isnāt there in a living together relationship. Now, all your friends, and everyone, has to go on is personal experience and statistical information. So, when you ask Īcan this go on forever?ā, your friends cannot draw on their memories, or experience, and give you a positive answer. Statistically the chances of what you have continuing in the form that you wish to have it are near zero. Thatās not the SAME as zero and Īstatisticsā are numerical countings of actual occurrences. To improve your CHANCES of having what you want there are things you can do...therefore, I refer you back to my original answer to your question. Now, you mention that my answer Īupsetā you. In life, make a note of whenever you have an upset about an important point and you have a far better chance of a happy resolution if you can look at all the ramifications of the problem. The Īupsetā is generally caused by Īsomethingā, (in this case, probably what I said), landing on a hidden fear or concern. In any case, it would be lovely if good things did continue....and in life, sometimes they do. Much happiness to you. - Annabelle