Q - Dear Annabelle, I've been dating the same guy for over 3 years. We've recently moved in together, and suddenly he's not as sweet, caring, and concerned about me as he used to be. He doesn't want to please me anymore, or at least it seems. And he spends more time criticizing me than complementing me. I'm fed up with this, and I've expressed these feelings many times verbally and once in a letter. He says he understands and he'll try to be more attentive, then two days later it's the same ole routine. I'm fed up with this, but I love him and don't want to break it off. HELP!! A - Dear Tonya, Do you even really care what I think? Look, you probably arenāt even going to care what I say, so Iāll just tell you about structure. Youāve been dating this guy since you were 15.....evidently unaware that you blew right past one of the most important people in your entire life....YOU. Now, HOW did you do that? Right at the time when you were supposed to be learning about lots of different people, about all of the wonderful Īyousā that you could choose from and become, about the learning process in schoo,l (remember that part?), that was going to involve making decisions about your lifeās future, you somehow decided that THIS was THE GUY that you had the hots for and began a sexual relationship ....and thereby took yourself off the path that would have provided you with the YOU that would be to YOUR benefit. Did you think that Ījust because you could have a sexual relationship and act like a grownup....you could BE a grownup?ā Tonya.......you have just cheated on one of lifeās biggest tests.......and the person that youāve cheated was your SELF. (Iām going to do some more nagging and then Iāll lay out a plan to get you out of this mess..ok?) This is going to be the all-time makeup test for you. At 18, you are supposed to be still giggling because Īheā asked you out....and working like mad to keep your grades up so you can finish that really good education and get a terrific job so you can invest your money wisely and be able to position yourself in the world so no MATTER what happens to you on this journey we call Īlifeā you can outthink ANY problem that gets thrown your way. Now, back to your current situation. Your guy is all hormones and you thought you were Īspecialā...you jumped the gun, as it were, confused the teenage hormonal madness with Īrealityā, called it Īloveā, and based your actions on what you wanted, not on what was in your best interests. This guy doesn't value you....heck, YOU donāt value you. (If you did, no guy would be able to land a hand on you without demonstrating how MUCH he values you) ....and, by that, I mean by waiting until you're a very good deal older to enter into a relationship guaranteed to distract you from the very important business that a teenager must be engaged in to successfully equip themselves for a successful life. You donāt want to leave this fellow because you want to believe that you are Īspecialā. Tonya, you ARE special....just not to him. Unless, and until, you are special to YOU.....thereās going to be an ongoing problem. Move out...now. Finish your education. By that, I mean, lay out a plan to follow your intellectual passion..the other can wait, for now. When YOU learn to love your SELF, you will have the strength to follow your dreams....the dreams that lie unawakened inside you. THEN.....and Īthenā is when youāre 25+, you will not only have matured into the life stage where picking a mate is age-appropriate, you will have equipped yourself with the lure necessary to draw to yourself someone of high moral values and good character.....the man who WILL treat you with the love and respect you seek and who will be a loving and generous father to your children. Now, isnāt THAT just a little closer to what you want for yourself? Youāve gotten yourself into a box just now, thatās all. Get out, dust yourself off....do the Īmakeupā work about which I spoke, (yes it will be VERY hard to do.....you're late to the table for this), but it will be worth the struggle. Someday youāre going to be a very old lady....donāt you want to look back over your life with pride and joy? The more time and preparation you take now, the better your ability to live your life will be. You see, Tonya, if youāre Īshortsightedā....and you take all the Īgoodiesā now, they donāt taste nearly as good, nor last nearly as long, as when you properly prepare yourself for the journey. You can still recover from this error...and thatās all it is, an Īerrorā. Do what you must do.......you owe it to yourself....and THEN your 'fading flame' will burn brightly...for YOU! - Annabelle