Q - Dear Annabelle, My name is Joey and I am 15 years old. I was asked out on a date to the saddies dance at my school by a girl whom I liked a lot and my friend hooked us up together. So I said yes. ok, every thing was fine until 2 weeks before the dance. My date and the my second best friend, (the guy who hooked us up), went over to her house and he was kissing her and went up her shirt. I found out because she is a very honest person, and she told me what had happened. I was so mad that my friend would do this to me. Now it is two weeks after that happened. They have been friends for a long time but I didn't think that this would happen. Some of my friends tell me the only reason he did that with her was because he wanted to get some. That is what I am thinking too. She did it because she is so like, in love with him, I didnāt know that when she asked me out, or I would of said no. I canāt stand to be around him, but I can not help it because we hang around with the same friends and we do stuff as a group. I am pretty fine now, but whenever I think about it it just makes me mad and, when I get mad, I canāt let go of it for like 2 hours. I still like this girl a lot but she still likes my friend. I know he really doesnāt like her. She said if she wonāt like him then she can like me. What should I do about this? I am lost, and now my friends donāt like to talk about it anymore because they are sick of hearing about it. So I have no one to really talk to, and I don't like to talk to my parents about this stuff. Do you think I should try to tell her that he doesnāt like her? Maybe that will get her back to shape. I don't know why, but I just cant stop thinking about her, and what we could of had if my friend didnāt come on to her. But I don't know if it is a crush or if it is more then that with me and her. I don't know what to do. Can, you please help me out? A - Dear Michael, Well, if I were you, Iād certainly feel cranky too! Some friend he is! Remember, the friends that you collect about you are reflections of who YOU are, so give this some thought. (Go read ĪThe Rules for Being Human on the front page and think about those too.) Iāll bet you canāt believe that there was a time, (truly!), where the most daring thing a young boy and girl would do was to steal kisses ....occasionally. Anyone that ever went further than that was labeled as Ībadā.....and, for years and years, we didnāt have the problems that you have just described here. Now, itās true that the young men were hoping for a Ībadā girl, because, well, they just wanted to use them for their own pleasure. They didnāt want to marry them...ever! Now, things have gotten so that almost everywhere you can see people having sexual relationships and, you know what? Itās as though everyone is reading the end of a book without ever having gone through the entire book first .....theyāve actually skipped all the terrific adventures from beginning to end.....reached the climax, you should pardon the expression, and then thought, Īoh wellā. Talk about empty calories! You see, Michael Īcopping a feelā is as old as time.....but the good stuff, the REALLY good stuff, comes as a result of a mature appreciation that can only be gained, well, by maturing! (Imagine that!) Now, sexual experimentation at your age is perfectly understandable, and it could most certainly be that your erstwhile girlfriend was either curious or didnāt really feel she could tell the guy to Īstopā....that sometimes happens with young girls. Some young men feel that HAVE to try to Īget someā or thereās something Īwrong with themā. (There's not, theyāre just more confident about themselves and respect girls too much to use them). In either case, let the sex stuff go for several more years or youāre going to not only devalue what is an amazingly wonderful experience, but you could actually become cynical about the entire process and end up with the wrong girl for a wife. From what you say, this girl is probably one of the Īniceā ones and just getting in with the Īwrongā crowd. You could, perhaps, be her protector and lead her away toward a more appropriate relationship. As weird as it may sound, some young ladies and gentlemen spend their free time with youth groups at their church or synagogue where the teachings about behavior between the sexes at this age is very clear. Regardless of all the boring stuff you may have heard from your folks and other Īout of touchā grownups, investing sex with a Īspecialnessā that, oh, say, going to the local fast food joint just doesnāt have is a really good idea. You know how, when you save up your allowance for something for a really long time and then, when you finally get it it has more significance because, in your mind, it was Īspecialā? Well, sex is something like that, only itās not a Īthingā. Sex is not just Īsomething you Īdoāā. Sex is a form of communication between two people who have an emotional bond and a commitment on a level that is beyond simply a casual activity performed just because the olā hormones are raging. You can cheat only one person here, Michael, ...yourself. Think for a moment. When you DO find Īthe oneā, do you want her to have been had by every guy she took a whim to? Well, every time YOU, or any other guy, scores with a girl, what are you doing, not only to her, but to yourself? Think about it. And, you can write to me any time you want and Iāll give you straight answers on any question you ask. You know that, having lived for rather longer than you, having a really, really good memory about what it was like being your age, I am biased about certain things, so understand where I'm coming from. I have a 20 year old daughter and a thirteen year old son, so I also have a fair idea, outside of my studies and degrees, what youāre having to deal with. I know, parents can be a drag ........just remember, they love you. - Annabelle