Q - Dear Annabelle, I have a hard time showing my personality to people I donāt know, especially a guy I like or I think is cute. My friends always get the guys because theyāre outspoken and flirty. I'm not like that. I speak when I have something to say about what is being said, and I talk to people who talk to me. I don't flirt. I don't know how to Īflirtā. I canāt walk up to a guy and say, Īhey you're cute!ā, like my friends can. I want the guy to say Īhiā to me first, and show interest. When people get to know me they say Iām fun to be around and cool, but when it comes to a guy I like, I show interest in a very secret way. I feel like they like the girls who are out spoken and flirty. I am like my friends in a lot of ways, but just not flirty..how can I get a guy? I canāt be like my friends because that isnāt who I am. A - Dear Heather, At 18, itās easy for you to believe that Īthis is all there isā to you being Īyouā. Actually, thatās not quite the case. The teenage and early adolescent years are times of great change and, if youād like to Ītry onā other personnas, this is absolutely the time to find out if, perhaps, you CAN Īmove intoā, as it were, a slightly different iteration of yourself. If you have some idea of changes youād like to make, you can Ītry them onā for the next couple of years or so and see if there isnāt one or more behaviors that might serve you better than those you have now. Modifications, at this age, are not all that difficult to come by, and you could do a lot worse than to just explore other ways of thinking. Now, if the very thought of doing something different than you are now doing is anathema to you, it would be a very good idea for you to learn to like yourself just the way you are. ĪFlirtingā isnāt going up to a guy and telling him heās cute.....that actually borders on brazen...flirting involves smiling briefly at a guy and looking away. There are actually books in the stores and libraries that tell about Īhow to flirtā. As Iāve said before, teenage boys are notoriously hungry and being known as the girl who bakes the best chocolate chip cookies will get a guys attention pretty quickly. Remember, you donāt have to be OTHER than you are.......but, at 18, you really havenāt found out all about yourself yet. Thatās why the Ītrying onā of personality stuff is a good, and a fun, idea. For what itās worth, I observed what you have at the same age and set about on a two year course of turning my relatively socially obscure self into a very socially successful self. It can be done....growth always hurts...but its also fun and worth it! - Annabelle