Q - Dear Annabelle, My girl friend and I have been going out for 5 months and she is two years older than me and I just found out today that she wants to break up. I don't know why. I love her very much and I don't what to do. Please help me! A - Dear Curtis, At 14, this news can be pretty scary, I know. You really have feelings for her, good feelings, and Iāve been where you are, almost literally. (At Montpelier High, when I was 15). Now, adolescence is a time of ongoing changes and youāre transversing a time of life from childhood to young adulthood. Remember, for a moment, just 10 years ago you were very much in love with your mommy......thatās where you first got your Īloveā feelings. That was practice for now.....and you must have done a good job of it too. Now, in 10 more years youāll have learned more about yourself and more about having love feelings and how to love someone ...most especially how to Īloveā yourself. SO, what does all this have to do with your feelings of panic and loss at thinking about your girl friend wanting to break up with you? All of the stuff I wrote about your Īmomā is about where the Īpanicā feelings are coming from. You first learned about Īloveā from your family.....then, as you got a bit older, from your playmates and so on. (You are NOT losing something of irretrievable value here) ...life is on a conveyor belt.....and you are just moving on to an Īin-betweenā time where you donāt have a girlfriend, (just now), and you will again. Think of this time as one very long learning experience. You entire world is going to be populated with an ongoing menu of people. Some of them you will like as friends, some as girlfriends, some you wonāt like at all. It is your JOB, Curtis, to learn about ALL of them and how to GET ALONG with as many of them as possible. These adolescent years are for learning how to Ībeā in the world in general. You are learning to grow AWAY from your family a little bit, and TOWARD the outside world. You will never lose your family, so you can let that panic die down. That this girl wants to Ībreak upā with you is NOT a repudiation OF YOU, it is merely that she is in a different stage of development than you and that she needs to be on another point on the conveyor belt than you are. Thank her for her time, (she was/is a Īlearning experienceā for you as you have been for her). There will be close to a dozen other learning experiences, maybe more, before you finally select one female to marry. Youāll have lots of girlfriends before youāre done and, if you can learn to let each of them go as graciously as possible, you will, truly, be a winner. Donāt get yourself all in a swivet here. Now, take a look around you..somewhere out there is your NEXT girlfriend, and your next and your next.......and so on. MY goodness, youāre in such a tiny part of the U.S. that when youāre out for an eveningās drive, you have to be careful or youāve driven across a couple of states......think whatās going to happen when youāre in college! Thereās an entire world of females just waiting for you to know and all of this is going to be Īgrist for the millā...your particular mill. Tell you what.....keep a journal of your life and of your experiences of girls and of women. You come from a particularly fine part of the world and from a good old Yankee tradition. (I trust youāve read ĪThe Devil and Daniel Websterā? If not, you have a true treat coming.) The whole world of experiences will one day be yours.....if you can just believe that you have more ahead of you as far as wonder and delight is concerned. Now, as I said, thank your friend for having been your friend, and wish her well. For one thing, that shows her that you have good character and manly qualities. That shows integrity, grit and strength. And you know, all the best men in our world seem to have come from your part of the world......wouldnāt you like to carry on in that grand tradition? Now, buck up, and do you lessons...youāve just learned something very important about yourself. - Annabelle