Q - Dear Annabelle, Well, it all started when I moved back to my old town. One of my friends hooked me back up with one of my ex boyfriends. We started going out 7-21-98, and we broke up after 3 months of being together. We both became very serious in our relationship,but due to all the rumors that went on and all the lies that people said about him and I, it made our trust in each other fade away. To this day I still think about him. I had so many plans for us in the future. I know in my heart he still cares for me. He doesn't call me anymore but he always pages me. Itās not fair at all because we know we want to be together, but we both don't want to show each other we still care. To make things worse, he's going to be moving to Arizona for a year. My plans for right now is to just wait for him until he comes back. Then maybe we could start over. I don't know how I'm going to make it through that lonely year. I need your advice on what I should do right now, and I wanted to know if you think from what I told you, if waiting for him would be a good idea. I love him so much and I'd do anything to get him back in my arms. Please help me out on this. A - Dear Christina, At 16 you feel so grownup and ready for a long term relationship and I can hear your sadness over the turn things have taken. This is completely normal and expectable for one just your age. Now, letās take a look at how you can turn this to your advantage. The first thing Iād like for you to consider is that you are NEVER to talk about a person who is not in your presence or to allow a conversation about another person to take place in your presence. Thatās called Īgossipā and you already know the mischief is has caused in you own life. (OOPS.......thatās just what teenagers do......isnāt it?) Christina, that IS what Īteenagersā do....and teenagers arenāt grownups, are they? Now, THATāS a problem. See, youāre anxious to BE a grownup and yet you arenāt ready to ACT like a Īgrownupā. Darn. OK, thatās one thought. Nowā, letās take a look at the Ītask of adolescenceā. Youāre first responsibility to to your SELF...to get the best education you can and to learn as much about how you....and others....āareā in the world. You are to learn to get along successfully with both boys and girls in a new format.....interpersonal socialization, i.e., early dating behavior, practicing skills that will be carried into the 20ās when you have gotten your education and are searching for a life mate. (Yes, I know, that seems an onerous task and a lifetime away.) Well, your mid-20ās WILL come, and the groundwork for that time is what youāre laying down now. So.......you donāt want to truncate your learning by Īwaiting forā your boyfriend to return. That doesnāt mean that you become a boy magnet, it just means that you attend to the business of polishing your social skills and learn to Īinterviewā, girls as well as guys, to learn about how the other kids Īareā in the world as well. You are, in these years, shaping and building your personality and social awareness. The better job you do of this, the more successful you will be, in everything that you do, in all the years of your life. If you focus too narrowly now on just ONE person, you will miss what you really MUST do to be successful in the later stages of life through which you must also pass. I do understand this young manās importance, either Īrealā or Īimaginedā to you now...nonetheless, there are things that are necessary......to you.......that must be attended to. Remember, Christy, life is long and having a sense of humor about the process is of enormous help. - Annabelle