Q - Dear Annabelle, I'm finally in love with a great guy that is so sweet and loves me a lot. The problem is that I haven't been very secure with myself for a long time. I started having sex last August '98 and got a little overwhelmed. In September, I had sex with 2 guys in the same night and it's come back to haunt me. A couple of guys know about that night. One of which is one of my boyfriend's friends. He told my boyfriend that I'm a slut and I'm a nasty ho and stuff like that. It really hurts because I would never cheat on him or anything and even though that wasn't that long ago I feel really embarrassed about that night. There was alcohol involved and I don't know what to say to my boyfriend. I'm getting suspicious about his love for me, too, because I don't know if he really loves me or he just thinks he can have sex with me because I'm such a skank, (he's been told), or if he'll think that I don't love him if I don't have sex with him because he knows I'm not a virgin. His brother told me that he is a virgin and I thought it was weird that just last weekend he wanted to have sex with me, (I said no because we didn't have a condom). I'm really confused and ashamed of my past and don't know how to talk to him and tell him how much I care for him and really want to know how much he cares for me. A - Dear Sativa, The one that we REALLY need you to care about is YOU...and, if you donāt STOP being sexually active at 14, your self image is really going to take a beating. Now, let me explain something........ANY girl who behaves the way you do, at your age, is going to come to grief...(thatās just the way life works.) Yes, teenage boys want to have sex......and I will tell you that no matter what the guy says, you are NOT held in high esteem by him. This is the behavior of a slut...ARE you a Īslutā? You see, Sativa, guys are, well, Īguysā and when they become sexually active, most of them would prefer to have a willing female to jacking off, (if I may be so crude). However, in our culture, a girl whoās seen as Īeasyā is badly thought of by everyone and the guys will use her. The reputation that you are going to acquire through this behavior, separate from anything else that may happen, disease, pregnancy, etc., will STAY WITH YOU all of your life. Your self image will erode even further until you dissociate yourself from the sex act entirely and you will have lost one of lifeās great treasures. You see, Sativa, Īsaving oneselfā for marriage isnāt such a dorky thing after all...things have just about exactly the value that we place on them and sex, which in an amazing gift when shared with the Īrightā person, becomes just another activity when itās shared with everyone....and that sort of thing car bring boredom...and you will have missed the whole point and joy of life. If you can manage to realize that these adolescent years are very difficult ones and the palliative of sex seems a good idea, then know that everyone has the same pressures during these times. If you allow yourself to be sexually used..and that IS the correct word, you will come to regret it greatly. During adolescence, you are SUPPOSED to be attending to your lessons and to leaning how to Ībeā with others in your age group If you take the easy way out and just spread your legs, you are cheating yourself of a future that will be forever out of your grasp. This is not Īloveā, it is a desperation to BE loved.......and you cannot love yourself if you act in such a shabby manner. You have it within your power to stop your sexual activity.....you just say that you realize that you made an error. You stop this behavior and it may take quite awhile to recover from having participated in this activity at all. You donāt know me and I donāt know you..but these words are true........give them a great deal of thought because...YOU are worth better...arenāt you? - Annabelle