Q - Dear Annabelle, I'm a 17 year old girl..and I don't know how to start really..please don't say I'm stupid or anything..I seem to be in love with a married man..I said "I seem to be"because I don't know whether this is just lust or love..I know that when you look at my age ..you would probably think "Come on..this girl wouldn't know anything about love..", but really, ...I felt comfortable around him ...as if we were old friends ..I can tell him anything...but every mail I wrote to him, (I met him online), ...will consist something about sex...that is why I am not sure whether what I'm feeling is just lust or love..but there's another problem...he's married..but he's away from his family for a long time ...he's working in another country..I really really feel so good about this relationship..but I also know that he's married.. and I can't stop myself from looking forward to his emails everyday..not just because of his sexy words or anything..but also he's a very good friend ..who listens to my problems and give me advice...I don't know what to do..please help me..Thank you so much....and congrats in making it for PhD in psychology..that is what I really want to achieve one day.. :) A - Dear E, What you are doing is supporting a man in betraying his wife. Love, Īrealā love, is being not only your best self, but supporting your loved one in being their best self as well. Thatās called Īnobilityā. (Think about the movie ĪCasa Blancaā.) Now, I understand your need for what he provides, and the thrill that you feel when you see his emails .....thatās still not love. The word for it could be Īlimeranceā, an emotion that feels very akin to love yet does not have the fullness of that particular experience. You are participating in an arrangement that, were this situation quite different, and it were YOU that he is cheating on, you might feel quite differently. Feeling Īloveā is easy when there is no dimension to the situation other than the one you imagine. When you have made the very long journey from your undergraduate work to your doctorate in psychology, there will have been times in your life when you will feel intense embarrassment for your past behaviors. If you persist in this particular email exchange with him, this will very likely be one of those times. Every day we get to select, not only which path we will follow, but how far down each path we will go. Take a look at your behavior from a vantage point of many years from now..will you be as happy at participating in the destruction of someone elseās life as you are now? One other thing that you will also have learned, if you are not already aware of it...in life there is a balance....be careful what you set in motion. - Annabelle