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Q - Dear Annabelle,
You've got to help me. I'm 15 and have only gone out with one guy. I just came back from a party where most of my friends had a boy/girl friend. I like this guy, and I know he likes me too, but I'm not sure if I should ask him out. I'm shy, but so is he, he kinda has a rep of not asking girls out. My other friends know I like him and they all want me to just ask him out, but I'm kinda scared. I've never even made-out with a guy. PLEASE HELP!
A - Dear Claire,
At 15, I know that thereās a lot of desire to Ībe like all the other kidsā........ācause, for an adolescent, being Īdifferentā and vulnerable, is like unto death itself. Now, having a boyfriend is a pretty wonderful feeling....itās sort of a Īfirst stepā towards growing up, away from being a kid-in-your-family and toward being an independent Iāll-show-āem-that-Iām-every-bit-as-good-as-they-are kind of stuff. No one wants to be an outsider....so I completely understand your wanting to really get started on this wonderful adventure.
Thereās a couple of things Iād like to have you understand about what youāre asking. You say your friends want you to ask this fellow out.....and, at 15, youāre actually about a year shy of the appropriate age for single dating. (Yes, thereās a reason for this). You also mention that youāre Īkinda scaredā, appropriately so, because you wonder how youāll survive if he says Īnoā....or, worse yet, Īare you kidding...with YOU??ā.
You mention that youāve Īnever even made out with a guyā. Well, here comes the Īletās think about thisā moment. Teenage boys think about sex just about every second of every day and, while most have long since learned that hands can do more than homework, theyād REALLY like to get in some live practice with a willing girl. Now, there are a couple of problems here. One, itās still the girl who is the Īkeeper of the relationshipā.....that hasnāt changed even after all these years. Being a Īkeeper of the relationshipā means that is the girl who, ultimately, decides just how far physical familiarity will go. I donāt know what Īmaking outā means to you, but you should know that, if the guy can get you into actual fondling activities, (which is just beyond kissing, by the way), heāll then make plans to actually have sex with you. Those motors in the guys heads, (and here Iām not talking about the one between their ears), get to racing and, if they think that, even for a moment you might say Īyesā...or at least not say Īnoā..theyāll go for it...and, boy do they ever talk with their friends afterwards! Itās an accomplishment.........and girls who ultimately say Īnoā may find their reputations ruined because the guys can imply that they scored. Sometimes the very best thing to do is to abstain from putting yourself in that position, literally and figuratively, in the first place, which means, Īmaking outā can be problematical.
Now would be a really good time to think, not only about what your parents have discussed with you, but how you see YOUR self in the world..and what plans you have for your future and for your life. Being 15 can be pretty heady, and if you allow yourself to be enticed by all the dazzling array of possibilities, itās not unlike Pinocchio arriving at Fantasy Island and partaking of all the forbidden pleasures....only, instead of getting turned into a donkey, YOU, if you make a critical error, get turned into a mommy.
Iām not trying to burst your bubble here when all you really think youāre asking is how to get the guy to kiss you in the first place, I just would like it if you would do a little thinking ahead. ĪThinking aheadā is one of the tasks of adulthood....a mark of maturity. The ability to foresee the possible consequences of your actions is a skill that divides adults from children.
Is dating fun? Of course! Now, one more thing, I very clearly remember being 15..and having my adored boyfriend kiss me good night at my parentās front door, (and starting the ever-famous Īrib countingā maneuver), and my thinking how WONDERFUL this all was and how I passionately wished the moment would Īlast foreverā. Well, here I am a gazillion lightyears past that moment, with an entire body of knowledge of how frankly fabulously my life turned out, (a moment here to thank both luck and careful planning), and, thinking back on that oh-so-serious wish of a 15 year old ......and I can see the absolute silliness of it all....good heavens I wouldn't want to be still standing there!ā
Anyway, do enjoy your teenage years...just donāt be too much in a hurry to be Īlike everyone elseā....or, as your mom or dad probably said to you at one time or another, ćIf Īeveryoneā were jumping off a cliff, would you jump too?ä........because, that is, essentially, what youāre asking about. ĪMaking outā can, under the right circumstances, lead to a seriously a compromising situation and then your life can take an agonizingly different turn. Thatās why, at the outset of my answer to you, I asked you to consider several things...........now, give your SELF some thought....before you are in a position where you may NOT be able to think clearly.
- Annabelle
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