Q - Dear Annabelle, I'm 19 years old and I've been dating a guy who is 25 for 6 months now, (my longest relationship). We don't live very close, but he comes to my house and spends time with me every weekend. He's everything I've ever wanted in a boyfriend, (he's perfect). I feel I've been a great girlfriend to him. I truly believe I love him. I recently told him that, but ,when I asked how he felt about me, he just said he Īcared about me ā. He said sometimes he does think he loves me, but he's says he's been hurt so much he's put up a guard against having deep feelings. Before me it had 3 years since he's been in a relationship. That's because he basically thought all girls were no good. He said girls seem great at first, but they always do something to mess everything up. He's also concerned about our age difference He's been to college and graduated and is now in a career. I graduated high school last year and I'm now working, (I'm not sure whether or not I want to go to school). He said he's Ībeen there and done thatā, and he doesn't want to hold me back from doing things a person my age should do. I guess what really bothered me was the fact I'm so sure of my feelings for him, but he's confused about his feelings for me. Now I feel really stupid telling him I loved him and him not saying it back. He is my shinning star and I never want to be without him, but I want him to feel the same why. Does he? Is my relationship going to be ok or is it about to fall apart? What should I do? A - Dear Confused, This oneās easy.....and hard, at the same time. What you have in this fellow is a seductive type guy, (Īnone of my other relationships have worked out, girls are just too....ā). This triggers, in you, the Īoh, but IāLL be different, you can count on MEā, syndrome. Whether or not your fellow knows this, this IS the Īgameā heās playing, it is a game and he plays it well. He knows that young women, just like yourself, will fall for that line every time. (Yes, it is a Īlineā). Hereās how things work when youāre dealing from a mature position and dealing with a mature person. ćIāve been hurt in the past, we all have, and I have learned from my errors and look at each relationship as an opportunity to learn new thingsä. You see, Confusedā, at 19, your job in life is not to find someone to be your Īmorning and evening starā, (that does sound SO romantic!), but to learn to be your OWN guiding light.......because, until you really and truly become YOU, youāre not mature enough to find an Īotherā. You see, Confused, one of the reasons you ARE Īconfusedā is that you are looking for fulfillment outside of your SELF. Remember the part in the Bible where it says ćLove thy neighbor as thy SELFä? Well, itās nice that you want to Īhelpā someone else get over their hangup, .......(which, by the way, you cannot do), but your real Ījobā in these years is to plump up yourself into a fully functioning mature young woman. You cannot do that if you place your time, energy, effort and attention outside of yourself. When you are Ītogetherā and more mature, any guy who crosses your path with the pathetic plaint ĪIāve been hurtā.........will just keep going. You wonāt respond to that sad cry at all. Confused, this guy is 25.....heās Īdoneā. Youāve got what youāve Īgotā in a 25 year old....thatās why itās so important for YOU to attend to your growth and maturity. Is this Īrelationshipā going to fall apart? Of course it is,.. (.all relationships do), ....until the last one, which doesnāt and where you get married. Youāre too young to marry right now, and heās not only too old for you, he and you are not a match. I know you donāt want to be alone........thatās hard. Being alone can be scary. However, until you have learned to, successfully, be truly Īaloneā........youāre not ready to be together with someone. Thatās just one of the Ītruthsā of life. Donāt worry about it, just know that, as I said, youāre main job right now, is to develop yourself into the best person YOU can be. When youāve done that...youāll find that you attract a much more suitable person, ...and you wonāt feel so scared. You see, Confused, you know this guyās a flawed entity, yet you havenāt the courage to let him go. Heād probably fall over if you just said to him, ćHmmm, youāre right, youād probably better find someone else.ä - Annabelle