Q - Dear Annabelle, I wrote you a while ago about how to get over my ex-boyfriend, Brad. It's been 3 months, and I've realized that he is a jerk in all aspects of the word. My problem now? I've gone back to the boyfriend I had for a year and four months before Brad. We've been together for two and a half months now, and I've never been happier. Although, my mother hates him, not to mention all my friends, (even though I gave up most of them so I could stay out of trouble). She and I even got into a fist-fight on the day before Christmas Eve, and she had me on the ground saying that I didn't Īneed to commit suicide that she would kill me herselfā. My boyfriend has been great about listening and showing me that I can do better than what she expects, but she does nothing but get on my case about going into the medical field, (which I don't want to do anymore. ) I've also taken an interest in Gothic art, and she thinks I'm becoming a devil-worshipper even though I've been Wiccan for two years. Due to everything she hates about me, I cannot see my best friend nor my boyfriend, and they never did anything wrong. Also, neither did I. I turn 18 in less than 17 months. What should I do? I don't know how much longer I can hole up in my room to avoid her. A - Dear Lauren, I donāt know why you and your mom are at odds over this fellow, or just what it is that goes on in your life on a daily basis. You might go read ĪThe Rules for Being Humanā. Somehow you are resisting learning a lesson, (though we donāt know what that Īlessonā might be.) It could be that itās patience, empathy or obedience. In any case, something is bothering your mom very much. Iām going to assume that sheās under a great strain, for I cannot imagine a parent attacking their child. I think it might be a good idea for you to think more clearly about the path you are on.......(and I know that, at 16, itās easy to feel that you really have a good grasp of whatās good for you.) I know about Wicca and, to the uninitiated, it may sound threatening........most people lump all such things into an Īitās worse than badā file. I know youād like your mom to love you and approve of how you are dealing with life, yet somehow thereās a perceived threat there and something you are doing is conflicting with Īhowā she is. If you could find a teen support group that could be a good thing for you....probably not only for you, but for her as well. When youāre a grownup and have a teenage daughter youāll more fully appreciate what she may be going through. (As in......whoa!......I had NO idea it was like THIS!! ;- ) ) Believe me, teenagers, (daughters especially) are one of lifeās great humbling experiences. Now, about your boyfriend(s). Having a boyfriend is a nice thing, yet I DO want you to be aware that your GREATEST focus in these years MUST be on yourself and your education. From what you say, he sounds to be a decent enough fellow, and that must be a comfort for you when the stress at home is so great. However, Iād like you to have a little more perspective here. These are the years where how you learn to interact with large number of people and navigate the Īsystemā is really important. Your schooling is not there just to annoy you and cause disruptions in your social life. Itās there to teach you how to THINK and how to navigate those uncharted waters you will find yourself on once youāre Īout in the worldā. Slow down a bit in going head on with your mom and take a longer look at your overall plans for our life. I donāt know what the referral is to a medical career, but that sort of thing, while thrilling, takes some pretty amazing determination. You havenāt said just what it is she objects to about your boyfriend and your best friend. Keep in mind that our friends and acquaintances reflect who WE are and there may be some fear triggered in her through your affiliation with them. As I said, perhaps your Īlessonā is obedience and you need to learn to live more in harmony in your home rather than take the view that youāre a Īprisoner in hidingā. Teenagers get up a head of steam sometimes and parents can seem awfully dumb. You might try using the formula for communication which goes like this: ćMom, when you say____________________, I feel_______________and, in the future, Iād appreciate it if youād________________.ä You can ask for clarification about her concerns. You might acknowledge that youāre confused as to the causes of her worries. She IS your mom.........and has thoughts and experiences you cannot relate to. You might try using ćIä messages rather than ćYouā messages as in, ćI feel_______, etc. Itās probably not a good idea to turn this into an ongoing confrontation. Regardless of how you perceive the current situation, in YOU there is that little three year old who really loves mommy and wants her approval. And, in your mom, there is that memory of the loving times you HAD when you were three. Itās just that right now, youāre actually reliving the Īterrible twoāsā.....necessarily so because, while the ORIGINAL Īterrible twoāsā were about your realization that you were actually a separate individual from you mom,......which you hadnāt known until then, you are NOW, in reality, REALLY Īseparatingā from your parents in order to become a mature individual. Itās rather like a butterfly breaking free of itās chrysalis........ a painful, yet necessary, struggle. Try not to leave the landscape littered with too many battle victims......yourself included. Youāll be happier in the long run. Part of your anger comes from your disappointment at not having that early love and acceptance, and your anger is mixed with a certain headstrongness and sheer stubbornness that naturally comes from finding that YOU are a person with thoughts and ideas. I do understand your frustration and anger.....just keep in mind that you will be a LOT happier throughout your life if you can find a way to harmoniously integrate all of the important components so they flow together......finding a loving commonality would be a lovely solution. Think.........doesnāt Wicca teach you the way? - Annabelle