Q - Dear Annabelle, I have read the Īletter of the weekā and I was impressed in your advice. I agree with what you said. I have a problem I would really like to share with you and maybe you could help me. I donāt have a lot of friends since I have been out of school. I'm limited in my social life. I'm still very picky on who I will go out with. I will go on a date,but I usually find that they're boring or we have nothing in common. When I do actually like someone I freeze and run! When I was fourteen I tried to have sex and he left me. He really played with my feelings. He stood me up countless times. I feel like he has caused a lot of my fears involving my relationship and sex hang ups. I have really tried hard to forget what he did to me. I haven't had sex since or had a serious boyfriend. I'm going on nineteen years. I feel ready to face my fears and try to have something with a guy, but I have no ways of meeting anyone new. I can have friendships with guys but when I start to like a guy I start to feel like I donāt want them to look at me! I get quiet . I know thatās my fear of them noticing my flaws, but I'm confused on how to deal with all these fears and hang ups. I feel like exposed sex is a huge turnoff. I could go on and on, but I believe I have said enough. I don't want you to get confused. Thanx for reading this and any advice you think you have can HELP! A - Dear Ribbin, Thereās a couple of issues here. One, EVERY teenager except those miraculous few, (whom Iāve always secretly believed were reincarnated adults doing penance), is concerned about how they Īlookā to others. Iāll tell you a secret I figured out many long years ago that saved me a lot of grief. Keep in mind that EVERYONE is afraid that YOU will notice the zit on the end of THEIR nose.........when, what you are REALLY thinking about is that THEY will see the zit on the end of YOUR nose. Kids just think about their own pains and concerns....it takes real maturity to be able to even CARE that the other person has genuine concerns and is Īrealā. Give yourself a break here and switch into a, Īhey, Iāll just relax, enjoy the process and learn all I can about other people and to-heck-with-the-concerns modeā. Itās not nearly as hard as you think and, once you do it youāll find that life is a lot more fun, (not to mention more rewarding, because everyone will start wondering just how YOU discovered the key to popularity). Now, letās get back to the Īexposed sexā thing. Ask yourself....are you ready....NOW to be a mother? Sex is how babies are produced, or didnāt you take YOUR mother seriously when she told you that? You really want to ratchet up your life to that level just now?.....and miss all the sensual fun of just Ībeingā a young person for the next few years? Youād better give this line of thinking a lot more thought.........life is long. Donāt be taking on passengers until youāre an adult.....and ready! - Annabelle