Q - Dear Annabelle, My boyfriend and I have been together for six months and are very committed to each other. There's one small problem, he loves me too much. I know that sounds weird considering I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but its becoming a problem. He wants to be with me ALL the time. There's no time for me to just be with my friends. If we are out with anybody, its our mutual friends. He gets clingy, especially if I'm talking with someone else and he's not getting most of my attention. He's constantly scared that I'm gonna leave him for somebody else he considers better than him. It's gotten to the point where our friends and my family have started to comment on it that he's smothering me. I have confronted him about it, but he doesn't quite understand what I'm trying to say. Everything he does truly comes from the heart, so he can't see what he's doing wrong. He says he wants to change so I'll be happy but he doesn't know how. He doesn't know where the happy medium between too much distance and excessive clingyness. How do I help him find that area? I feel terrible for trying to change him because I should love him for who he is, and I do, its just that one thing. How can I do this without hurting him? A - Dear Angela, Maybe it will help if you think of a young child who fears that mommy will not spend enough time with him. Does this young man have siblings? Somewhere he learned to be anxious about attachment with mommy and has generalized that out into the world. He actually would benefit from some good psychological help This is classic Īanxious attachmentā behavior and can be mystifying, and annoying, to the Īattacheeā. The reason Iām recommending that he spend a year or so with a good psychologist dealing with this is that, because he didnāt Īthink his way intoā the problem, neither can he Īthink his way out ofā it. I could be that if you just have this discussion with him he may, in some way, recognize his pattern....and though he wonāt be able to avoid the anxious feelings, when they DO arise, he can just say, ĪOh, thatās just my anxiety, itās not being triggered by anything thatās real in the here and nowā. (Then again, maybe not. Anyway, thatās the probably genesis of the situation.) Whenever someone is behaving oddly, take a look at the Ī2 year oldā them and see if there might be a similar situation that could have led to what youāre seeing now. By the way, if this situation doesnāt get better......it WILL get worse. Heāll start to annoy people and get into self-fulfilling prophecy. This will take patience ..........and understanding, on your part. - Annabelle