Q - Dear Annabelle, I have been in a relationship for close to a year and a half, off and on. We have had trouble in the past trusting each other. Anyhow, he recently made friends with someone in Florida. I currently go to college in Buffalo and he lives 415 miles away. They become good friends. He went to visit him. There was some sexual activity that en engaged in while down there. I have noticed that, ever since I have moved up here hid love for me has diminished. He know that I have bought him a wedding ring to keep us together knowing that I was afraid that he would leave me for someone else. Tonight on the phone he said that he doesnât love me any more and that when this guy from Florida asked him to be with him he said Îyesâ. In addition my boyfriend said that he loves him. He also said that he was strongly considering moving down to Florida with him. He also has said that he doesnât want my ring. This is the only person whom I have ever loved and I donât want to see that end. I am doing to visit him during the holiday time and I want to know if you have any advice to keep him in New York and convince him to stop loving or having a relationship with the other man who he claims is very much like him. I need advice quickly to work on this situation. He is really my only friend. A - Dear Ari, I hear your sad and desperate loneliness and regret not being able to answer sooner.....Iâm sure these last two months have been very difficult for you. You sound very sad and alone and in need of a better understanding, not only of yourself but also of how people Îareâ in the world. Youâre in a very large city.......are there gay and lesbian counseling centers at the college you attend or in the city which you live? You sound like a lost and lonely child who has lost a much loved toy and are feeling very desolate at the loss. I recommend that you find a good counselor and work through issues of finding and bonding with good friends, not just in a sexual way, but in ways that will allow you the appropriate expression of friendship and a better understanding of and acceptance of your self. You see, once you have understood that you are a good and valued person and have come to love and accept yourself...you will find less of a need to Îcapture and keepâ another person. You will learn to value yourself as a whole person and not need to append another person to you. Once you accomplish that delicious feat...(and it is a most desirable accomplishment), indeed, you will find that you have, in fact, become automatically desirable to others. Thatâs what is meant by the Biblical scripture, ÎLove thy neighbor as thy SELFâ....first, the learning of self acceptance and Îok nessâ..then comes the ability to love and appreciate others in their wholeness too. - Annabelle