Q - Dear Annabelle, I'm going to make this short. I am a 16 year. old guy. I have had many girlfriends in the past and I am involved in another relationship right now. The special thing about this relationship is how I feel about this girl. We've been friends ever since 5th grade, but we've only recently started going out. She is everything I could have hoped for. Smart, funny, beautiful. All-in-all the perfect one. In all my relationships, I am careful not to say "I love you" like most 16 year olds do, because frankly I don't believe I am in love, and love is such a strong word. Right now I feel like I may be in love. For the past 2 months the only thing I had on my mind was her. I can't think straight. She's in my thoughts and in everything I do. What should I do? Should I tell her the way I feel? Is it Love? I am just really confused? P.S. I know that she likes me a lot so I am not afraid of sharing my feelings... the question is whether I should or shouldn't. A - Dear Alex, Well, it sounds as if you go through girls pretty fast. (Thatās a holdover from your two-year old days when you went from toy to toy.) That you have a friend from 5th grade who is now catching your interest sounds promising. Look, youāre 16, and in a town where the pressures for sexual activity are sort of deāreguer....(and not a good idea.) If you really ARE interested in this young lady, and donāt want her to spend the rest of HER life feeling bad about the experience, you could do worse than to realize that things are, (finally), beginning to change vis a vis the sexual involvement at an early age stuff. You already know what you CAN do with a willing female, how about a whole new experience where you act like Īthe knight in shining armorā and, since you do seem smitten with this lovely girl, treat her with the chivalry youāve read about in your studies? The feeling you are having is, indeed, one of the Īfeelingsā in the Īloveā constellation....and youāre evidently mature enough to realize that love, real love, is much more than this, and that indicates that you are beginning to mature emotionally. ĪLoveā is a funny thing....people always want to know is this IT? I remember the answer to that was always, Īwhen it IS, youāll knowā....(and thatās pretty generally true.) The kind of Īloveā, however, that leads to marriage is something that youāll have a greater understanding of in your mid-20ās The thing to do with this is to draw it out as long as possible. Youāre actually at a nice stage in life where you can be all romantic in the words you use, the little things you do for her, the poems you write, (teenage boys write the BEST poetry! : ), and how you treat her parents and siblings. Itās really sort of fun because there are no concomitant responsibilities of thinking this is going to lead to marriage and all THOSE attendant concerns. If you do this right, youāll have a lifetime of memories AND.......if you really do it right AND you both stay on the same maturational curve, (unlikely), this actually could go Īthe distanceā and you could arrive in your mid-20ās with the relationship intact. (Remember, I said that the chances of this are so close to zero as to be unmeasurable, but....you never know, and Iāve been know to favor long shots.) Youāve had enough science to know about the word Īhypotheticallyā.......as in, ĪHypothetically, Melissa, how would you feel if, again, hypothetically, I found you to be more than just a friend?ā.....or something along those lines. Keep in mind that very few adolescents make it through the teenage years without cratering on some issue. Everyone would be willing to be a teenager again IF they could bring their knowledge back with them....virtually NO one would go through it again for the first time with no foreknowledge. (To paraphrase Tattoo from ĪFantasy Islandā)....äThe pain! The pain!ä.....! Anyway, just spend time with her and take your cue from her behavior. If she is interested, youāll find her behavior reciprocal. In any case, donāt do anything thatās going to embarrass your grownup self...memories of these years are strong and you donāt want to know you behaved like a cad. This time of life is a delicate balance between a thrill-a-minute and the torture-of-the-damned. Have fun, and......good luck! - Annabelle