Q - Dear Annabelle, This one guy, (we'll call him guy#1), and I went out about a month back for a couple weeks, (3 to be exact), and broke up because he stood me up at homecoming. I heard he stood me up because his ex-girlfriend was over and he had planned to "do stuff" with her. (I found out a few days too late that it wasn't true.) After I heard that, I told him it was over, and went with one of my guy friends, (guy#2,) that I had liked. Me and guy#1 remained friends. Then, guy#2 broke up with me for his ex-girlfriend and I went out of with another guy, (guy#3), several days later. Another guy friend I had been crushinâ, (guy#4), asked me out and I never thought he would in this lifetime, so I figured it was a once in a lifetime chance so I dumped guy#3 for guy#4. Now, guy#4 cheated on me and dumped me for his ex-girlfriend as well. I still have very strong feelings for guy#1, and he says he still loves me. We spent each day together for 3 straight weeks and we've been on the phone almost every night since. I like ! him a lot and he does me. He lives in a city not too far from here, but far enough. I always have to go see him, he almost never can come see me. When we went out before, he treated me like s--t. He admits he did, but claims he changed, and I do believe him. I'm just so tired of getting hurt. Lately my relationships haven't lasted long and all my boyfriends seem to be dumping me for they're ex-girlfriends. I want to go back to guy#1, but I'm afraid of getting hurt, and I'm afraid that the distance will cause trouble because I'm a party girl. I go out partying with guys a lot and if guy#1 is never there with me, I'm afraid it might cause trouble. I'm guessing, Annabelle, that you will tell me to go back to guy#1, which I know I will, because he is sweet and everyone tells me he always talks about me and says he loves me, but how can the distance between not be a problem and how come my relationships have been so terrible lately? Also, lately, I have been almost scared of sex. I never used to be but lately, when a guy starts going in that direction, I freak and make excuses. I have had bad experiences with 1 night stands and I think thatâs why. A - Dear Nicole, Well, everyone treats you like trash, because youâre an Îeasy layâ, Nicole. Hey, itâs the truth and you know it. You also know, (or you wouldnât have asked), how you can be otherwise. You can.........and youâre going to take a lot of teasing, but you CAN rewrite this script.. Why youâre sexually active at 16, I can only guess.......something went wrong at home, I donât know what. You had the courage, though, to ask a complete stranger for help, so hereâs what you do. First, if you can change schools, that would be a really good idea.......because the word is definitely Îoutâ where youâre attending now. If you canât change schools, well, youâre just going to develop really good character really fast and deal with your past and QUICKLY. How do you stop? You just do. YOU, Nicole, are going to be the source of your Îgood feelingsâ....(and youâre going to stay in touch with me.) The MOST important thing you should be doing right now is getting a really good education.........seriously..........if you really want to have a future with all the promise that that will bring YOU, Nicole, you must take yourself in hand and get those Îfeelingsâ you keep giving in to, under control. You wouldnât get into a car, start the engine, put it in Îdriveâ, release the parking brake........and step out of the car, would you? That, effectively is what you are doing with your life by giving in to Îfeelingsâ. Nicole.....âfeelingsâ are ephemeral, (go look up that word), and you DO NOT have to give in to feelings. YOU own you... the feelings donât own you, unless you allow them to. Now, I know that Îhot sexâ sounds just ever so sexy at this age....but, as you know, in your heart of hearts, youâve made a terrible hash of it. Stop. Now. You can get to your 20âs safely and with a past that wonât leave you cringing with embarrassment and shame......AND with an excellent education that will provide you not only with what you need to provide yourself an excellent income, but with the emotional skills to develop a wonderful relationship leading to marriage and what you REALLY would like to have. - Annabelle Q - Dear Annabelle, Listen. I thank you for your quick reply. But all you talked about was my education and sex. sex? No, I'm not a virgin, but I have only had sex once. I never had sex with those 4 guys I mentioned (if u remember) Sex is not an issue, although guyz are trying hard to get sexual with me. anyways, please reread my problem I just want to know what to do with Justin, (guy#1)....please tell me before its too late. Sorry about the way I sound, I'm very drunk but I am happy so that's good right? anyways, reply back soon! A - Dear Nicole, When you wrote that, ÎI have had bad experiences with 1 night standsâ, perhaps I thought that guys think that your are Îeasyâ. What does saying, Î I have had bad experiences with 1 night standsâ, mean to YOU? Also you said that you Îgo out partying with guys a lotâ, ........and now you tell me that youâre drunk. That tells ME a lot about YOU, Nicole ......(that you are probably somewhat sad inside, and confused about how the world really works.) Adolescence is a very difficult time for almost everyone, it seems doubly so for you. (Or you wouldnât be doing these things TO yourself.) The boys see you as Îeasyâ, (because people judge other people by their actions), and, at this age, guys are really happy to find a Îparty girlâ, .....they just wonât have one for a Îrealâ girlfriend......they *(really)* think theyâre trashy......they may want to Îuseâ one, ....thatâs just the way many guys are, but no guy really wants Îthe good time that was had by allâ. That, at heart, youâre a good and loving person that some fine young man would want to marry is one thing, yet your actions are those of a.....and I hate to use the term, .....slut. Nicole, our actions are all that anyone really has to go on. Words are just words.......and no one can see into hearts that yearn for love and just donât know the Îrightâ way to go about getting it. (Where are your parents in all of this?) It would be my guess that you feel sad a lot and donât know how to express it. Sometimes, when teenagers feel unhappy and confused, they Îself medicateâ with alcohol and drugs because that can disinhibit the person and dull the bad feelings, (for awhile. ) There are several problems caused by this, however, not the least of which is that you can get a really, really bad reputation and lose the respect and attention of someone youâd really like to have in your life...........maybe someone like Justin. You also lose respect for yourself.........and then you begin to justify your behavior and get angry with anyone who brings it to your attention, like your parents..........or me. I sense in you a good person who just needs someone to talk with. Iâm here whenever you need me. - Annabelle