Here are the warning signals to help you distinguish a potential or actual batterer.:
1. Jealousy of you time with co-workers, friends and family. (isolates you)
2. Controlling behavior. (Controls your comings and goings and your
money and insists on ãhelpingä you make personal decisions.)
3. Isolation. (Cuts you off from all supportive resources such as
telephone pals, colleagues.)
4. Blames others for his problems.
5. Hypersensitivity. (Easily upset by are a part of daily life, such as
being asked to work overtime, criticism of any kind.)
6. Cruelty to animals or children.
7. ãPlayfulä use of force in sex. (May throw you down and hold you during
sex. May start having sex with you when you are sleeping.)
8. Verbal abuse. (Says cruel and hurtful things, wakes you up to verbally
abuse you or doesnât let you go to sleep.)
9. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality. (Sudden mood swings and
unpredictable
behavior -- one minute loving; the next minute, angry and punitive.)
10. History of battering. (Has hit others but has a list of excuses for having
been ãpushed over the edge.ä)
11. Threats of violence.
12. Breaking or striking objects. (Breaks your possessions, beats on the table with
fists.)
13. Uses force during an argument.
The cycle of abuse is, generally, this: Tension builds up, (for whatever reason), in the batterer. There is a release of that tension by battering. There is a Îcool downâ period in which the batter apologizes, is taken back and the cycle is set to begin all over again. There is a particularly insidious type of batterer where the first two parts, and not the third are present.....this type of batterer is a true sociopath......a Îperson without a conscienceâ.
A batterer controls his victim by diminishing her self-esteem in such a subtle manner that the woman does not realize what is happening until she feels absolutely worthless. Thatâs when the beatings begin. Women stay in abusive relationships because they lack money and job skills........and society has done a poor job of protecting them.
You see, part of the problem is that, typically, an emotionally battered woman is made to feel ashamed as the batterer blames her for the problem and pressures her to keep what heâs doing a secret from the world outside. Many abused women donât leave because they think they have nowhere to go. There ARE shelters for battered women, though they tend to be woefully oversubscribed, and help IS available there.
A woman should never give a man a second chance to abuse her. It IS the womanâs responsibility to get OUT....but, sometimes, the Îfeelingâ that Îthings will get betterâ gets in the way. Please understand that, without serious intervention it NEVER gets better....abusers get their power from the availability of weak and compliant women......does that describe YOU??
- Annabelle
