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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I have read your column & taken your advice to accept e-mail
invitations from men interested in meeting me who do not fit my "ideal
mate" profile but who share common interests, etc. & with whom I might
have a friendship.
ONE PROBLEM. If they're still interested in me after
we meet, they're interested in developing a romance. If I'm not
attracted to them 'that way', they don't want to continue to get
together unless they think they have a 'chance'. It may be expressed or
implied from their behavior.
I'm very careful to avoid encouraging them & am friendly but cool
& very non-physical. Though I'm actually a very tactile person with lovers &
established friends, I'm not with strangers or those with whom I don't
feel a physical, romantic connection. I don't want to send mixed
messages. These men have already determined by the time they meet me
that they are physically attracted to me in a 'chemical way'. Of course,
I'm flattered on the one hand, but find myself in something of a
dilemma.
When an advance of some type is made, even holding hands, I feel
very uncomfortable. No one wants to be told that they're not another's
physical type, etc. How do you recommend I handle this reoccuring theme?
A - Dear Cheryll,
Miss Annabelle suffers from the very odd belief that men and women
can be just 'friends', (in the face of overwhelming counter-evidence). You
are, no doubt very attractive. Now think......what the word
'attractive' implies......that you do, in fact, well, 'attract'! That
half of the world may be lost to us because men don't want to be our
'friends' is just the way it is. (The French have a saying somthing to
the effect that, "There is just ONE subject between a man and a
woman".) -- A mixed blessing and a very delightful one!
Most men are highly sexual beings and, if not the lady's 'current'
favorite, harbor the secret hope that they will, sooner or later, be in
that very desirable position. It is then up to you to decide if you
wish to continue adding to your list of 'friends'. If this is not
working, ....well, then it doesn't work. Of course, you may, in the
course of your journey, find someone who, while at first blush doesn't
seem to fit into the 'lover' category, does so at a later time. This
squares with what the gentleman has been heading for all the while.
Sex is one of creations greatest delights.................by design. DNA
simply doesn't care that you admire a man's mind. What the gentlemen
usually has in mind is admiring you...........all of you. That you also have
a great personality and a fine mind as well, is but an added benefit.
How do I recommend you handle this dilemma? If a gentleman is not
willing to wait for his possible 'turn'.....and, frankly, most won't
unless the lady is most tempting, as you no doubt are, then one simply
accepts the situation with good grace and says 'thank you and goodbye'.
- Annabelle
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