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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I have a question that is bothering me , and maybe you can help me. I prefer a private answer unless you remove my name then it is ok to print. Either way I still prefer to get a personal answer if you have the time that is. My relationship with my girl is like the
movie " You Got Mail" I found her on the internet. I still have not met her. Our meeting is to take place on January 15 th, 1999, for the first time. I started writing her in Middle of Oct 98. We would write to each other in email about 1-2 messages each and everyday without fail.
We decided to meet in Jan 99 to see if we are compatible. I live in Las Vegas, and she is from Colombia. She speaks Spanish and some English. I speak English, of course, and very little Spanish. For the most part, I use English/Spanish Translation program to translate our email. It has worked out pretty good so far. She is taking English classes to learn English. Ok, now my question. With the coming holidays she suddenly slowed down a lot in writing to me. It went from 1-2 messages a day to 2- or 3 messages a week. I thought, Îok, she is spending it with familyâ. I asked her about it and she responded " I don't want to feel pressured to write. " Ok, I understand this, so I backed off. Now the holidays are over, and our trip i s near, from today our trip is 7 days away. .
She works out everyday without fail no matter what. That, at this point in her life, is very important to her. I would like to be a important part of her life, but I get the feeling that she is putting everything else before me. It doesn't take long to say anything in a email message. (She doesn't write long messages anyway). Do you think something is wrong with our relationship? Why won't she give me the time for me to write me like she did, and, if she has changed, then it is only curiosity is why she is still keeping the trip to Vegas to visit me for a week? I think I love her, but of course it is hard to know someone on line. We have sent many pictures, and emails for last 4 months and more. Do you think we have a chance for a relationship? Or am I just in a dream? She is divorced 7 years and I am divorced 1 year. Any advice would be appreciated. She believes that communication would not be a problem with us. I don't think it will be a problem either. Thanks for at least reading this message.
A - Dear C,
I know you enjoyed the movie ÎYouâve Got Mailâ, however, keep in mind that this is real life......and not a script. As it happens, this very subject was part of my dissertation, and the statistics on these relationships indicate that the movie is the anomaly, not the rule. Now, WHY did things Îslow downâ in the email department? Possibly just because the Îmeetingâ was getting closer...maybe she scared herself...I donât know.
That you have been divorced for just one year is problematic. Recovery takes a good two years so you donât want to proceed too quickly in establishing a new relationship.
Sheâs from an entirely different culture and language is a barrier since you have to use a translator. Youâve been living in a dream world thatâs about to become, (possibly shockingly so), real. That sheâs from Columbia and visiting you in Las Vegas is going to prove interesting as well. The best thing to do is just to play the whole thing by ear and treat each other as if youâve only just met, which, in fact, you have. Remember, in these internet romances, projection and transference, (which just means you each make up the Îfactsâ as youâd like them to be), is rampant. Take it easy, see what happens. Hey, maybe sheâll fall in love over at Siegfried and Royâs show......or at the volcano...who knows? Have fun...just take it slowly..
- Annabelle
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