|
|
Q - Dear Annabelle,
I was getting a divorce from my ex-husband in 1988 when I met a man who seemed to take an interest in me. This guy and I had started spending lots of time together. He was someone who would listen to me and comfort me when I needed it. We seemed to get along with one another great. The one thing he had always did was make me laugh. His humorous side of his personality seemed to attract me the most.
When my divorce became finalized, I had made the decision to move back home and start over with my life. During this time our relationship changed even though we would still keep in touch through letters and calls. Then everything kind of just.......... stopped.
Within 6 months since the divorce, (and maybe a letter from the guy every now and then), I met and fell in love with yet another man. During this time I just wanted to be friends, without having any serious attachments. The new man and I started to see each other every chance we could, and had a good time. As our relationship started to change into something more serious, I found out I was pregnant. We have gotten married and have 2 beautiful children and we have now been married for 8 almost years.
Though it has been 10 years, I have never forgotten the man I was involved with before I married my husband. The other man and I seemed to never had put a closure to our relationship because, even after 10 years, we have still been in contact with one another. We still have feelings for one another even though I am married and he is not. He told me he didnāt know if he had a future with anyone else. (He is also 35 and not married).
Though we try to stay in touch, sometimes it is impossible because I busy with my family obligations. I respect my husband and love him very much, but sometimes we just seem to be out of touch with each other, (you know. not on the same wavelength). My husband doesn't know anything about this and would be crushed if he found out.
I am still in love with this man 10 years ago and sometimes will cry myself to sleep thinking about the kind of life that we could have had if I hadnāt moved away. I'm sure by now we be married. Do you have any suggestions on what I should do? I feel so helpless and scared that I will mess my life up.
Please help. Thank you.
A - Dear Debi,
The first fellow of whom you speak is a Īspecialistā..............he specializes in having relationships with vulnerable women. He gets what he wants, giving (what you believe) is genuine comfort and caring in exchange for what passes for Īintimacyā. Then he moves on. He is Īdamaged goodsā. These types can *NEVER BE FIXED AND ARE BROKEN PEOPLE* (Did you get that?)
Now, STOP the thought processes that will only screw up your life and get on with being the most loving and wonderful wife you can be to a really worthwhile guy. For goodness sakes, quit daydreaming about what you donāt have and grow UP. Remember Dorothy in the ĪWizard of Ozā? Well, happiness IS in your own backyard. Get out there and play with YOUR FAMILY......thatās where your life, and your happiness lies. Watch your thoughts.....(they BECOME your actions)!
- Annabelle
|
