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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I married my long-standing partner of 13 years just over a month ago. Though it rained on our wedding day, it was perfect nonetheless. My husband, who is not an emotional man shed a tear, and truly was happy to marry me. We had the beginnings of an idyllic honeymoon. We were loving and close, as always, and things couldn't be better.
Then, in our last week away, we met up with the bar man from our hotel for drinks in a club, (after hours). What happened next has dissolved our relationship. I disappeared to the ladies and was followed by the bar man who kissed me -- and I kissed him back. My husband came to look for me and guessed at what had occurred and reacted angrily as you might expect. To add fuel to the fire I panicked and ran off.
We eventually made it back to our hotel and, from that point we have barely spoken to one another, (over 4 weeks ago). This was not the first time I have done something so stupid! Now my husband feels there is no future for our marriage. Part of me feels he has totally over-reacted but the other part knows that his feelings for me ran deep and he feels betrayed and will be weak if he takes me back. I desperately want to be with him.
I feel that we still have something worth salvaging. But can I convince him of this? Will it just take some time for his anger to subside and become more rational or am I on a losing streak? Please help. I am so depressed and feel so worthless because I have not only lost my husband but my best friend!
A - Dear Hazel,
Well, you certainly do have good reason for feeling the way you do............your behavior was appalling.........and you say this is not the first time youâve Îacted this wayâ.
If you so desperately want to be with your husband, why on earth would anyone else think they could even get NEAR you, much less KISS you?? Please, whether or not you know it, youâre setting this stuff up.
I donât wonder that he feels betrayed.......he was! How can you Îconvince him thereâs something worth salvagingâ? I donât know that there is. Slutty behavior is, well, slutty behavior. How would YOU feel -- to have the situation reversed??
If you really want to stop this pattern, I very strongly suggest you get yourself to a good psychologist to find out why you are willing to turn wonderful things into trash.
You may have a compulsion to destroy the good in your life.......it would be a VERY wise idea to explore just how this is so.
- Annabelle
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