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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I have been married 4 years, and am not sure I have married the
right person. I left an airline carreer as pilot, and now have my own
business -- an air charter business. I have invested 4 years and huge
effort and love the business now it is starting to be sucsesful.
Trouble is, without my husband it would not be nearly so succesful, as
he is an aircraft mechanic with a maintenance business.
My business needs him. I have cut off my other career options. We
complement each other well but I do not much enjoy his company, as he
has no interest outside work, (I have many). He does not make me feel
good about myself, and I'm sure I probably don't make him feel great
either. What shall I do?
A - Dear Angela,
What shall you do? Ms. Annabelle suggests, before you do anything
drastic and irrevocable, you first start by 'changing your mind', i.e.,
look at the problem from a different viewpoint......much easier than it
may, (at first), sound. You're obviously a bright and self-sufficient
person. Not many women qualify as airline pilots! Even fewer women --
or men, for that matter -- having won their wings, would give up the
security of an airline career to strike out on their own.
Ms. Annabelle wonders why an otherwise clear-headed woman seems so confused about marriage. You say you and your husband "complement each other well," however, you don't enjoy his company, because he has no
interests outside work, while you have many. Does business keep the two
of you joined at the hip, together all or most of each day? That can
guarantee boredom.
As a first step, pursue your outside interests....and, here, Ms.
Annabelle is not talking about finding another gentlemen........there's
a world of things to do that will enrich your life that do NOT involve
contextually inappropriate relationships. Then, tell your husband, in
terms he'll understand, that you need to have things other than business
to think about and talk about. That point is not negotiable. It's
called "getting a life." On the other hand, you're neither fair nor
realistic to blame him for not 'making you feel good about yourself'.
That's your sole responsbility. No one else can do it for you. Not
even the perfect husband.
Finally, you say in your letter that you started your business and
married a man important to the business -- and, at about the same time
you say he's indispensible. Now, four years later, the business is
starting to produce income and the man is becoming boring.
Ms. Annabelle wonders if you may be day-dreaming about hiring an
outside maintenance operator, owning your business -- and your life --
free and clear.
As you describe the marriage*, it seems to have hit a dull patch.
(Most marriages do -- please remember that a 'marriage' is not just
'advanced dating'.) You can work your way through this...if you really
want to. The rest sounds like a business decision. Make it carefully.
Consider all the implications. Good luck and keep in touch......
*You didn't mention whether or no you two have children. That
would change this answer considerably.
- Annabelle
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