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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I'm 29 years old, been married twice. I have a 7 year old and a 4 year old,
the man I am married to, I have been seeing since 1982. We dated for
years, broke up, I married another man, was married for 2 years, and was
back with the man I am married to now.
My problem is I met yet another man and have come to like him a lot. I enjoy his company, we get along great. My husband and I have been split up for 3 months, (and the whole time I have been seeing this other guy). My husband found out about it and is making me out to be the worst person ever. He and I have not gotten along for about 2 years, and now I meet this other man that makes me feel like a person. I know I have to decide what I want. I feel like I have spent over 15 years with my husband and things are not going to be better, that is why I keep seeing the other man.
A - Dear Tonya,
Yes, you DO 'have to decide'........it's just not the decision you think it is. As it happens, what I, (in my never-to-be-humble-opinion ,think Īyou should doā and what you SHOULD do are one and the same thing. Youāve been Īseeing this guy since your were thirteenā.....and now you are married to him. Not only that, you have two children. What you FEEL like doing is irrelevant. You are a MARRIED woman with children and your FIRST responsibility, ........as is your husbandās first responsibility, is to see that you keep your marriage in good working order. So that you -- AND your husband -- may provide a good, sound, stable home in which to raise those children to competent adulthood.
Children arenāt plants brought home from the store on a whim, to be ignored when we Īfeelā like getting our jollies outside of our marriages. They arenāt Īpetsā to be dealt with at our convenience. You AND your husband made a vow before God and the community to support each other -- through good times and bad -- and you are offering TO the community, your children as proof of that commitment. They are reflections, not only of you and of your husband, but of your home and your intertwining with the community as a whole.
You BOTH have a responsibility......now, go out there and find a GOOD marriage counselor and do the WORK necessary to strengthen your marital bonds. And QUIT playing around with getting your 'good feelings' elsewhere. You, yourselves created a family........that obligation is NOT negotiable. Pull this one off successfully and youāll BOTH have more Īgood feelingsā than you know what to do with....and THIS time you BOTH will have deserved them!
- Annabelle
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