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Q - Dear Annabelle,
My 38 year old wife of 18 years is leaving, and she has done an Īabout turnā in her lifestyle, since she was introduced to the night life by a friend, ( who will be divorced soon ). She has taken back her maiden name, she has started going to bars. She said that the attention she gets from the men is flattering and she enjoys Īflirting to get them to buy her drinksā. I asked her if I didn't give her any attention?. she said Īyes, but it is different when other men tell herā, .... even what she wears has changed. The hem line has moved up 6" and she looks and dresses the same as her friend. My wife has said that it is because I was always fighting about money and that I don't understand her.
I agree with her, what I did, I did for the family. I provided funds for the future of the family, not myself. She said she is selfish and just wants to live an independent and carefree life, but with this separation, comes a loss of funds for our kids who rely on two income family to provide the funds for their sports.
What is happening here? Is this possible, and, if it is, will she decide, after she has Īsown a few wild oatsā, ( as she has put it), to change back? She also said she does not want to go to a marriage counseling. I don't know what to do. Can you offer any advice please?
A - Dear T,
Well, if you have children, how are they going to live if you leave him?....and what are they going to learn if you stay?
I hope where you live you have a legal system that wonāt cause you to lose your kids if she doesnāt come back.....go check with a lawyer NOW! She has most definitely lost touch with her responsibilities, and heaven knows what instigated that. You donāt tell your or your childrenās ages, but, if sheās going through Īthe change of lifeā, that could certainly explain a lot.
My heart really goes out to you if things are just as you say they are. She may come to her senses, but what of the children? This is VERY injurious to them........yikes! She doesnāt want to go to a marriage counselor because she knows that what she is doing is NOT in the best interest of the marriage.....thatās for darned sure.
Your best move is to protect yourself -- and the children -- legally and financially. As hard as this is on you, itās devastating for them. I donāt know your financial situation, but, if you can go to counseling, without upsetting the kids further perhaps you can find ways to shore up their bewilderment during this dreadful time. If the therapist thinks itās appropriate, take the kids too.
I have no idea what has come over your wife.....it really does sound as if a medical checkup might be in order. Good luck....sounds as if you, and the kids, are going to need it.
(And, whatever you do, donāt complain in front of them).
- Annabelle
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