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Q - Dear Annabelle,
my husband and I have been married since May, lived together a year before that, and dated almost a year before that. We get along great, intellectually stimulate each other, and generally enjoy each other's company. We should be happy, right?
I've been majorly depressed about the relationship for over a month now, and we've started seeing a counselor. However, itās not getting any better, if anything, worse.
Basically, I'm terrified of the idea of being married, and am afraid I've made one
of the biggest mistakes of my life. I felt stressed and upset before the marriage, but blamed it on the wedding, finals, my husband hating his job, moving, all of that.
However, now we're both settled into jobs we both really enjoy, a great place, and we're financially secure, yet I'm still not happy. We haven't had much of a sex life for over a year, and neither of us has been physically turned on by the other in forever. We're each other's best friends, but there is no passion.
Add the lack of passion to me feeling trapped, (I'm a very independent woman and am having trouble merging into a couple), and I'm afraid this marriage may be over. Mostly I'd have to say that it's not him, if I had to be married to anyone, I'd choose my husband, but I don't want to be married, period. I thought I did, now I'm here, and Iām terrified. Is there any hope for me getting over this without losing myself? If so, how?
The more I think about it, the more hopeless I become.
A - Dear Andrea,
First......be SURE you donāt get pregnant! Now, you may be absolutely right and thereās no way for this to work. At this point a retreat with, (some), honor is not unheard of. However, it youāre willing, (since this may, in fact come back to haunt you), seriously consider going into personal therapy with a GOOD psychologist to uncover what seems hidden from you.
There may be another answer here, one of which you are unaware. You sound very bright, (and very mixed up). Save yourself a lot of grief in the future by getting some good help NOW. The outcome may be the same, but at least you wonāt be stumbling about in the dark.
- Annabelle
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