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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I think my boyfriend of 4 years is going to ask me to marry him.
I want to but one thing seems to be standing in my way. I don't
like his last name which happens to be _____. I don't want it
because even though I know it's just a name, I don't want my children
to deal with the problems that this name will bring along for them.
I think your name should be something that you should be proud of and
I don't think that I can ever be proud of that one even though I love him
a lot. I don't consider myself vain at all-- I just feel really odd thinking
about reading my wedding announcement in the newspaper and having all
of my friends know that I married a "_____". It TRULY bothers me and I
don't know how to get past it. I keep telling myself "it's just a name" but
that does not seem to help because deep down I feel it is a reflection
o fme. Am I wrong for feeling this way? What should I do about this?
I know that I should just be happy but it's really hard for me.
A - Dear Ceeanne,
Is there some other reason you don't want to marry your boyfriend?
You might want to stop and think about that. His name has been the same
for the four years you've been together. He didn't just change it to Wempe.
Why does it suddenly bother you?
If you decide you really do want to marry him, but still can't abide his
name, keep your own. This is 1998. It isn't at all unusual for married
women to keep their maiden names. As for your children...they'll be his
children, too.................and, yes, they will be teased, just as all other children
are teased about their names.
I was teased, my children have been teased, and my name -- and their
names -- are of even less interest than the name about which you are concerned.
This just happens in the process of growing up. The very best gift you can give
your children is the ability to deal with teasing. It's something that everyone experiences and very well-grounded children have such good self-esteem, or, as
one of my inventive munchkins calls it, 'selfish-steam', that a child can just
laugh off the jibe good naturedly and the other kids will actually hold that child
in HIGHER esteem.
Life is full of potholes........learn to dance around them. If you love him enough
to marry him, remember he grew up with the name "Wempe"........ and survived.
So will they.
- Annabelle
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