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Q - Dear Annabelle,
How does one voice a difference of opinion without rallying a partners defense mechanisms?
A - Meredith,
This is a great question BECAUSE it seems that men and women each have different patterns of Īhearingā and interaction during Īdiscussionsā. Go to http:amazon.com and order, (or get from your local library), a couple of books.......
Ī You Just Don't Understandā -- Deborah Tannen ; and
ĪMen Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus : A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationshipsā -- John Gray;
Conversations..of any kind, are an Īart formā and, it absolutely behooves us to know which Īlanguageā the other person speaks. There is, (yet), another Īlanguageā which, if you become fluent, will improve your life enormously.
ĪBody Language -- Fastā, Julius Fast;
Now, until you get those books......(and they are enormously important if you really care about your relationship), remember, in any discussion about your emotions, (which some guys just donāt GET..no matter how much theyād like to), remember to use ĪIā message....NOT Īyouā messages.
Try this: ĪWhen you say__________, I feel__________, and, in the future, Iād appreciate if_________ā. Thatās called Ītaking responsibility for your own stuff.ā Lots of guys are intimidated by womenās verbal abilities and get all flustered and then shut down. Guys donāt LIKE to feel flustered and so, some of them will attack or retreat. (Itās just good manners to speak the language of the country you are visiting...and, believe me, when youāre discussing Īfeelingsā with most guys....THAT is a foreign country).
Remember, MOST guys just want the Īthing to run smoothlyā....they want to Īfix itā and move on. Women, in general, are the caretakers of the more fluid stuff in a relationship and, if a guy loves a woman, heāll be willing to talk about feelings...up to a point, so itās a good idea for you to hone your communication skills so he sees you as efficient and can join in the process without feeling like a stranger in a strange land.
- Annabelle
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