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Q - Dear Annabelle,
Iām married and have 2 children. Iāve always felt I got married for the wrong reasons. Heās not my Ītrue loveā. For the last 6 our of 9 years, Iāve wanted out. Iām in love with a man that cares deeply for me and my children. Every time I try to separate from my lover and friend, I canāt....
I love this may, more than my life itself. I know this is my match for life. What do I do? Do I stay in an unhappy marriage just for my children, or do I consider my own happiness in this? I care for my husband but there are no Īsparksā between us. Just friendship. I want to be happy and feel in love and know that I can always feel that way when I have someone that cares for me too.
A - Janet,
Well, the point to have left your marriage was before you had children. Of course, before you had children, you were probably Īin loveā with your husband too. Now.....āhusbandā means Īto take care ofā. Here this guy has seen you through nine years of heaven-knows-what and maybe even a day or two when you werenāt at your delightful best. Maybe heās a Īfriendā because Īfriendsā hang around through thick and thin, through sickness and health, through good times AND bad....you know, .....stuff like that.
You know, Janet, your attitude is affecting your childrenās development. Kids know when their parents arenāt happy....and they think that THEY are the cause. So, here YOU are, having given birth two two little munchkins, and youāre selling their futures right down the river because YOU haven't the courage or character to be a grown-up mother.......youāre still worried about YOU. Guess what? You donāt HAVE that option if you want to have healthy kidlets....... Your husband isnāt a drunkard or a drug abuser...he doesnāt beat you or the kids...youāre just BORED. Well, how do you suppose HE feels? What would it take for you to get all dolled up and smelling sweet and crawl between the sheets to warm HIS cockles? This is your HUSBAND! (Remember? The guy you just Īhadā to marry....HAD to get the fancy dress and big party?) Well, remember the part about ĪHONORā? THIS is where you HONOR your WORD........!!! Now, believe it or not, emotions are the result of ATTITUDES.........and you, Janet, can CHANGE your ATTITUDE. Do you WANT to? ĪWANTING TOā doesnāt enter into it here. THIS is where you get to find out just what it means to be Īhumanā....and, remember, Ībeing humanā is a PRIVILEGE, NOT and EXCUSE. THIS is where you get to reach down, deep inside yourself and find whatever Īcharacterā is lolling down there and yank it up, (by itās bootstraps, if necessary), and haul it into the sunshine and let it grow.
THIS is where, YOU, Janet, get to rise to the glorious challenge of finding ALL the wonderful things that WILL happen in your life when you DO THE RIGHT THING, .....(and quit letting your energy leak off and out of your marriage.......remember, this other guy hasnāt been there through all the yukky and boring and....(well, you get the idea)......stuff.
What do you do? You go to your church....regularly...and you raise your children as a FAMILY. You teach your children that they are a part of a long line of good, solid people and that they, too have responsibilities, not only to themselves and to each other, but also to the community...to not give up too easily, to not give in to temptation, no matter how sweet and alluring, because in that temptation lies the crumbling of our society....in rising ABOVE that temptation, in doing the RIGHT thing, our society is strengthened.
Now, what do you do about this other person? This Īotherā person who would undermine anotherās family and erode a personās character......and his own? Well, you already know the answer to that. Someone who would place themselves in such a way to be instrumental in the destruction of a family is of questionable character....you already KNOW the answer to this one.
- Annabelle
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