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Q - Dear Annabelle,
We have been married for three years and my wife's ex tries his best to stir up trouble.The latest trick was to send this lap top home with my 14 year old step daughter with instructions for me not to use it.At first I was mad but later told her it was no big deal. I use this lap top quite a bit with no problem from her, but he has repeated
to dictate that I not use it.She does not hide the fact that I do, and seems to resent his quizzing not only about the computer,but everything else.Quite frankly I'm getting tired of his games. What should I do and how should I handle this?
A - Dear Joe,
A well developed sense of forbearance would be a good thing to have....along with a little humor and resignation. Remember, he IS your stepdaughterās dad and her loyalties are torn...no matter HOW wonderful you are. Make sure that SHE knows that YOU are the strong one, and that her loss of her bio dad isnāt causing YOU anguish too....because you consider her presence to be a blessing.
That he is acting in a juvenile manner must not even be noteworthy. He would LOVE to have what you have....his family....but, failing that, the best thing he can do is to take occasional jabs at you. IF you can be man enough to resist noticing, to rise above pettiness....and, yes, I DO know that, especially for your ethnicity this can be a matter of pride, just give it a pass. Assure your daughter that you DO love her and that her comfort level is uppermost in your mind. She will bless you in her prayers if she isn't torn between the two of you. Let her know that it is YOU who can withstand anything for her and for her motherās sake......thatās what a REAL man would do anyway, yes? Good luck to you..I do know this is difficult.
- Annabelle
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