|
|
Q - Dear Annabelle,
My husband and I have been married for 3 years and we cannot find compromise when it comes to some of the different habits we have. As an example, when my father was alive, (he was recently killed in a car accident), and he and my mother were still married, when my father would get mad he would cuss at her. It's like he didn't know how to discuss anything in a civil manner. When my husband cusses at me it makes me feel like crawling inside a hole. I feel worthless.
Now, I don't cuss. (I was taught not to.) I am trying to understand why he does this. Thatās how his family communicates. They use horrible language towards each other. Should I confront his family and start at the root of the cause? We get along great, but about every 3 months we have a terrible argument and he uses that language with me, and the next day he acts as were great when I still am in pain with the tone he used with me. Any advice?
A - Dear Jodi,
I donāt suppose knowing that youāre with an intellectual lightweight who comes from lazy stock is of any news to you. ĪCussinā as you call it, is the lazy way to vent anger. Itās careless, not only intellectually, but damaging emotionally. All it tells one is that Īpressureā is being vented from the organism doing the cussinā. Don't bother Īconfrontingā his family............thatās the road to nowhere......and thatās where he came from.
About the best you can do is, at a time when your husband is in a good mood and receptive to what you need to say, talk to him about how YOU feel when he Īgoes offā on you. It may get through to him. It may not. You donāt say if you have any children, but if you donāt, Iād certainly give some thought if this is the man to whom you really wish to be married. Thereās a long road ahead, Jodi, and if this is the level of person youāre going to be living it with, well, youāve got what youāve got.
You say this is the way your dad treated your mom,.....well, do you want to have children with a man who acts this way, and then have them grow up and share this pain with them and your grandchildren? See how things get passed along through families? Good luck....youāre going to need it.
- Annabelle
|
