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Q - Dear Annabelle,
My husband is a recovering drug addict, but he resents me for making him choose his family over drugs. He quit to get us to come home now all he does is freak out on the kids and me. The house is full of emotional abuse, but the problem is, when I go to tell him its time for us to separate, nothing comes outta my mouth. I wrote him a letter last time I left and he was really upset I didn't talk to him about it. However, part of our problems is no communication. I talk he walks.
I was a born talker and get lonely. He throws it in my face that he quit so, what do I want from him now, his soul? I keep saying I am glad he quit, but but he can't treat us bad. I have changed over the last 7 years since we met and had our first child and I love him, but like a friend, not a husband. I even have dreams of just me and the kids living in our own place. I just promised I would tell him if ever I left again...I try everyday for the last year and nothing comes out.
A - Dear Kelly,
Ouch.....! Can you find a GOOD marriage and family therapist in your area? I do understand heâs feeling overwhelmed, but that he is abusive in an attempt to cope with his anxieties is NOT an appropriate answer to his problems. His behavior, as you describe it, is absolutely out of line. He is an addict in one form or another, and you most certainly need help. If you REALLY wanted him gone, or you gone, youâd just up and do it. That the Îwords wonât come out of your mouthâ....especially since you express your anxiety by talking..... indicate, to me at least, that there are other issues, probably best discussed with a caring and competent professional in your area. If it truly IS over, then many of the fine therapists will also act as divorce counselors...that will go a long way towards smoothing out what, at best, can be an incredibly unpleasant experience. Much good luck to you in finding the help that you seek.
- Annabelle
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