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Q - Dear Annabelle,
He is married with his own children. He is very happy in his marriage as am I.
We met and really connected deeply. All 4 of us are all good friends. I spent 6 years and a lot of emotional toil trying to conceive with my husband. Operations and all. We adopted 17 months ago, feeling it was the only way we could have a child, as advised by doctors.
Our affair has been not only been a passionate one but also an emotional love affair. I
have now conceived. I know it is by my lover. My husband is very happy. It is not his child due to the timing of the conception.
I feel like I longed so much to have a child it seems unjust to terminate the pregnancy.
Both of us feel very, very dedicated to our families and want nothing to come between
them.
Our worries are....
Will the child end up looking too much like the real father? Can we realistically keep it secret?
A - Desperate,
Gee, how many lives do you want to ruin here?? Iām a little unclear on how killing the baby in your belly is a benefit. (You see, my vote is with the future of the children.) That means that you keep your baby and keep your mouth SHUT. You DONāT tell your husband the child is not his and you deal with YOUR guilt, with a therapist, if necessary, and do what is right by both children...not to mention by your marital vows.
Children donāt understand adult passions....heck, few adults do. Look, that YOU feel you Īneedā something outside your marriage is one thing. That you now find yourself in an awkward situation is entirely of your own doing....youāve betrayed both your husband AND your friendās wife........and the friendship. Really, get yourself into some GOOD counseling on this one or somethingās going to come out at some point. Will the child resemble his father? I donāt know what the genetic mix is, you do. Remember the Mendelian grid? Youāll have to guess, depending on the recessive and dominant genes......and itās still a toss-up.You need to resolve the pressure here.........but not by harming your own baby and the sibling of your first child.
Youāve often heard the phrase, Īwhat a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceiveā. Replace Īdeceiveā with ĪCONceiveā and NOW you bear the full brunt of the understanding of your folly. ĪDesperateā, you have been presented an unforeseen opportunity to be both noble and courageous......in doing the right thing. You donāt want to come to the end of your life knowing you took the cowardās way out.....do you? This is hard........but really, awkward things usually are. You have created this entire scenario......and only YOU can write the ending. What choice will you look back upon?
- Annabelle
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