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Q - Dear Annabelle,
My wife and I have been together for eight years. It has not been easy for either of us. Now I understand that passion comes and goes. depending upon the quality and quantity of time spent with each other. We kiss all the time. More I believe out of habit than anything else. Although until writing this I thought of it as an intimacy that tells the other I love you.
She has been feeling neglected and unattractive. She has always had a self confidence problem. I work two jobs and she works one. What is there I can do to bring back the feeling of excitement to both of us. The sheer passion(hornyness) of a kiss or touch to our relationship.
Our worries are....
Will the child end up looking too much like the real father? Can we realistically keep it secret?
A - N,
Check out one of the other letters in, (I think), December about the ĪDominant Wifeā. I donāt know if itās under Īmarriageā or sexualityā....but I though it was a hoot....interesting too! Now THEREāS an approach that you could try......a little different, but it sure worked for him!
One of the things that happens after marriage is that the proscription against sex is, suddenly.............lifted. That can open the floodgates of passion for all of about three years and then, things settle down to a more realistic pace. Often, unfortunately, this includes sexual boredom. Now, hereās something you might try. As you may know, in the Jewish religion there are laws governing when a couple may have intercourse. They may sound harsh, but Iām told by those in positions to know, (bad pun), that they actually increase longing and desire.
Let me give you a Īfor instanceā. Iām quite mad for chocolate and the thought of having just ONE piece can be wonderful......I can even go through an entire pound in a day or so.......but that, eventually loses its allure. Now aside from the obvious downside, I prefer the Īone piece, occasionallyā, approach.......and savor the experience. Sex is much the same way...........you can create DESIRE simply by not having it so readily available.
Now, you say that she does not feel attractive...well, is she attractive to you? Is it possible that she is Īfeeling unattractiveā as a means of avoiding sex? Is it possible that the two of you have gotten into the sex-in-the-missionary-position blues? There are ways to have wonderful new adventures.....had you thought about having an Īillicit night on the townā.........including sneaking away to a hotel and being wicked?
I donāt know what your sexual experience has been, but one thing that sometimes works is called the Īsensate focusā exercises. I have a suggestion: check out http://www.dogpile.com and type in the search string sensate+focus+exercises. Youāll have a wealth of information to pursue. Now, in Īsensate focusā the emphasis in the first few exercises is on touching the non genital areas.........you are not allowed to even have intercourse........you can drive each other quite wild in the process. There are lots of fun things for you to do together........until,once again, youāre each otherās favorite chew toys. Good luck, have fun, (and...........flowers or an occasional diamond couldnāt hurt.)
- Annabelle
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