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Q - Dear Annabelle,
My boyfriend and I recently broke up, well really I left him. We have two kids together,
one of them is five and the other is one. About a year ago, just before my one year old was born, we started having problems. He cheated on me with other females and he abused my heart deeply with different things he would say to me. Every time he did it i took him back. After Chris, my one year old was born, he became abusive. He punched me in my eye 3 times and knocked me completely out. He put me out of work for two weeks. I left him for 8 months, afterwards I took him back. Now he has hit me again in the face. I didn't know what to do, so I grabbed my kids and ran to a friend's house. After leaving there, I went to my mom's house and, at this moment, this is where I'm staying. I'm hurt, mostly because the house that I was supposed to share my life in with him and my kids is no more. He won't leave and the police wonāt force him to leave because both of our names are on the lease together. My mom really don't have no room for us. Now my 4 year old has become violent because heās seen daddy being violent. That's not how i want to raise my kids. What do i do?
A - Pook,
First thing, check out what your State offers in the way of mental health assistance to families. They will help you get the protection that the laws of your state provide. Probably, the first thing they will help you do is report him to child welfare and to the police. It is against the law to hit another person, anyone, any time, for any reason, period.....domestic violence is a very serious issue. (PLEASE tell me that, in your State that this is severely dealt with!) Call your womenās rightās hotline or your domestic violence group and take action on this...you are very right.....this is NO way for children to be raised, and your kids will be severely damaged just by the screaming and yelling, much more so by the actual fisticuffs.
You definitely need some support to learn how to interact with another person, and with your children, in ways that do not involve violence of any sort........and thatās a subject of any good family counseling center course. What would be ideal is for HIM to be in serious long term anger management...if not in jail. When you finally find someone to help you with your communication skills,......and it does sound as if this fellow isnāt going to be part of the process, you will learn how to defuse potentially difficult situations and how to ask for ...and get......things that will increase your sense of efficacy so someone wouldnāt feel it appropriate to deal with you roughly.
Youāve picked an inappropriate person to father your children, but you know that and now you must make the best decision for what will enhance their lives.....and one of those decisions probably needs to include further education for you so you can, when they are in school, get a job and support yourself. Strong families are the web that hold our society together.....and Iām sure YOU have the strength to pursue this to a positive conclusion. This hurts, I know......disappointment in love is just awful. Imagine how your children feel.
- Annabelle
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