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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I have been married for 2 and a half years. When we got married he was everything I
ever wanted. Within the last 2 years he has changed so much, his looks, weight, and personality. He treats me very good. We have a 2 year old together. We don't have any problems in our marriage except me. I have fallen out of love. I don't feel the same about him as I did. I love him but not as a way of wanted to be with him. I don't like to get close to him anymore. It's more like when I used to live at home, he is just a family member, that I live with. I always look at other guys, wanting to go out with them. Why do I feel this way? I don't want to hurt him. I feel so lost in this, what do I do and why do I feel this way?
A - Lisa,
I wish I could say something magical to Īmake it all betterā.....but the fact is, you guys just got married too young and hurried things along a bit more by having children. Now what to do? You now have the opportunity to do something that will make your marriage stronger or to do something that you will regret for the rest of your life.......and I cannot make that decision for you.
Think, if you were so in love with him at 20 that you just HAD to get married and then just HAD to have a child, do you think that you could in that, (obviously), very strong mind and will of yours put yourself in the mind set that your marriage CAN work? (The answer, by the way, is Īyesā). The first time you met, spent time with, and fell Īin loveā with him is really not much different than now.....the difference is that you have an enormous amount more of information than you had then and, from what you say, itās not all happy information. You feel this way because of your emotional immaturity, something that just Īisā in the early 20ās......which is why marriage is best postponed until the late 20ās. As youāve discovered, marriage is NOT Īadvanced datingā.
If he has changed as much physically as you indicate, it could be that heās evidencing signs of depression......I seriously recommend that the two of you find a good marriage counselor and do some serious thinking and exploring about where youād like this marriage to go. If you let it continue to deteriorate, each of you will continue to coalesce into ever more separate ways and, at some point, it may become irreparable. Your child is being negatively affected by your unhappiness and in the munchkinās life, two strong and loving parents are the best way to have a good path into healthy adulthood. This is difficult, I know, but though you may not have heard the part of the marriage vows where they said Īfor better or for worseā.......well, go over the promises you made to each other before God and the community and then, with the help of your family and church and a good marriage counselor, find a way to grow together rather than apart. Good luck.
- Annabelle
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