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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I am married and had an affair. I love my wife, and didn't want to ruin anyone's life. I just wanted to have fun. My mistress, insisted that we develop a more grounded, loving relationship. I easily found things about this woman to love.
She is also married. Recently, she was almost found out. It scared her, so she called it off. I am so lost now. I am sad and angry, lonely, and have even been feeling that my whole existence has really been pretty much a disappointment to me and everyone around me.
I feel like everywhere I turn, it's all regrets. There's so much of this that's just foolish.
What do I do now?
A - Dear G,
What you Īdo nowā is pray that your wife never finds out about this. Itās a burden that YOU....and only you, get to carry to your grave. If youāre lucky, you didnāt pick up a communicable disease as well. (Thereās an epidemic raging Īout thereā.)
Your affair is a symptom of internal dissatisfaction, not only with yourself, but with your marriage. Are there Īmarriage encounterā groups where you I've? Iāve heard that these can be wonderful. Going Īoutsideā a marriage for physical.......even emotional......gratification weakens the foundation of that marriage.
This is not to say that you donāt have Īfriendsā, just that your attention is toward your wife and home first.....otherwise, wherefore does the marriage even exist?
You now know the Īpriceā of fun.......hey, sex is great and can certainly turn anyoneās brains to mush....the Īforbidden fruitā aspect of it sounds just soooooo exciting. Look at yourself in the mirror....look hard. Is THIS the you you want to be? Yes, recognition hurts......but you sound like a pretty lucky guy whoās gotten a second chance and who has recognized the value of integrity.
Being Īhumanā is not an excuse, itās a privilege, and Iād be willing to bet that, now that youāve had a glimpse of that weaker side of yourself, that youāll not stray from your better self again.
You CAN be that stronger person.....especially now that you know so clearly just where your weak spot is. Hang in there.......all of life is a learning experience and, for the really fortunate among us, those experiences make us stronger and more resolute.
- Annabelle
Q - Dear Annabelle,
Okay. So here's the deal. I didn't break up with my ... mistress? ... after all. In fact, I have more in common, understand her better, and am more compatible in other ways with this other woman. What's real? If this is right, my marriage was wrong, which is a distinct possibility.
I got married because my dying mother wanted me to, (not because I wanted to so much.) I love my wife, but it's getting to be more like ĪI love my sisterā, well, I hope you know what I mean. Anyway, if this is real, it can wait, I'm thinking. Our purpose at this point is to get to the point where we will no longer have affairs (she's married, has been unfaithful before, too), no more lying, and no more secrets. We don't know what's right, wrong, or even possible for sure.
I hope I'm not just simply self-destructing, here. So far, I feel closer to becoming who I really am than I have been in a long time, if that makes any sense to you. It's just hard to do without hurting people, and I don't really want to do that.
Or, I could find a job in Brazil...
A - Dear G,
Youāre going to have to work this one out on your own...you know where I stand on it. You added one pertinent bit of information though...........you said Īsheās had affairs beforeā. Guess what? This woman, (I wonāt call her a lady), is into self gratification even more than YOU are.....and, one of these days, sheāll be cheating on you.
Just as liars will lie, cheaters will cheat. Have you ever heard the saying Īcharacter countsā? Well, take a look at what you have here...........and take a look at what you are doing to your own wife. Not to mention what you are doing to your self.
Life is long and, not only have you hit a Īpotholeā.....youāve fallen into it.
- Annabelle
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