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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I want to talk to someone. I feel ridiculous writing to someone I don't know. Anyway, I would like to remain anonymous. I have been married for 18 months. My wife is Indian but raised in the US. (Our marriage was arranged). She comes from a family of all girls and a very insensitive, oppressive father.
To make this short. Our relationship is very shallow. I do not really love my wife. However, she often says how much she loves me and I believe she means it. The
problem is that her moods swings are unbearable. One minute she loves me and the next minute she is swearing at me and and hates me.
She has a very evil streak, which I believe is coming from her strained relationship with her father. My wife can be the sweetest person and at the same time the rudest person you could ever meet. It is really driving me crazy. So often I am embarrassed by her in the way she talks to others.
She constantly criticizes people and seems to relish in that. I am not saying I am perfect but I am a lot more gentle and have a lot more good friends.
It would be easy to just separate and start new lives, the only problem is that we have a gorgeous little girl, (9 months), and my wife has often told me that she doesn't think she could ever live without me! Of course that is when she loves me! :-
Like most women, she is very concerned about finances, however, considering our situation in that we have a place to stay with free rent, no bills, and food, her anxiety about money borders on insanity. My wife is the personification of worry.
She has so many fears.
This is more. I could rave on and on. I am asking for a little advice in how to deal with this. I am a responsible person and I am not inclined to divorce, however, the stress of her constant nagging me and her flip-flop emotions is literally driving me crazy.
I have considered suicide, however, I know that is stupid because I believe in karma and reincarnation. I want to get away, but I have so much work to do and so many other responsibilities. I direct an international charity and I do volunteer work for a church.
As for our arranged marriage, that is because I follow a Hindu religious tradition and that is the way things are done. I don't regret that. I just wish my wife could relax and learn to accept life's arrangements. She has a very intense controlling mentality and ironically although she demands so much from everyone else, she can never seem to practice what she preaches.
I have come to accept her statements of purpose as simply "hot air." She rarley is able to follow through on her decisions and it is very frustrating for both if us. Nor is she able to accept her decisions.
She has often told me to take complete control of the family's finances however I recently made a decision and she exploded with profanities. I sincerely acted with our best interest but she cannot see that and basically demonized me saying that she can never trust me again. Of course she will in a few days time, but this is the kind of insanity I have to deal with.
A - Dear Larry,
You ask if your wife is Īcrazyā.....well, her behavior is certainly Īcrazy-makingā and, from your description, Iād certainly assent to your description. Now, there are a few possibilities here. She may have a chemical imbalance in her brain that could be helped by medication.....that, however is something that can only be competently arrived at by consultation, not only with a very good psychologist, but also with a competent psychiatrist....(a psychiatrist is an M.D. and prescribes medication.)
The imbalance could be something so mild that the regular taking of an herb called St.Johnās Wort could be beneficial, or so severe that stronger measures are necessary. From what you tell me, her behavior is quite disturbed. There are many people who have had unpleasant fathers and who do not behave this way.
I understand your upset and concern, but, for the good of all, I would most sincerely recommend a medical, and emotional checkup. No, this is not Īnormalā behavior.
If only for the sake of your baby, whose life will be very negatively impacted by your wifeās alarming behavior, something needs to be done.....and soon.
- Annabelle
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