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Q - Dear Annabelle,
My question is this: I live in a house with my husband whom I love very much. We have two kids together. My husband works 7 days a week and never spends time with us or the kids. I was thinking of divorce but i worried about the kids.
What kind of effect would it have on them and what would they think when they see me with another guy? I know there more to this but I want to keep that private. Iām just worried about he kids now.
A - Dear Amy,
Hmmmmmm, so you love your husband, but you want a divorce. Let me give that one some thought. ( May I reasonably assume that youāve discussed this with HIM? -- not the Īdivorce part, but the part about wanting to spend more time with him and that you love him.)
Letās see now, he works seven days a week. Is he, by any chance working to make house payments and to keep the family in food and clothing? (I wonder how it must feel to a man to have to work all the time and to not be able to spend time at home, playing on the floor with the two kids and making a picnic lunch with his wife so they can all go to the park and chase all around and just be silly.
You ask how Īwhatās going onā will affect your children. Well, you have a choice or two here. Remember the marriage vows, the Īin sickness and health, for richer or poorer, in good times and badā? Well, your kids can see how YOU and their dad, your husband, are handling the bad times. Being a parent is a really, really hard job. We are ROLE MODELS, whether we like it or not. And, right now, and for the next several years, your children, his children too, will see how the two of you work through difficult times. Life is FULL of difficult times......theirs most certainly will be. What do YOU want THEM to learn about problem solving? That we turn and run when the going gets tough?
Where are your families? Where are the other family members? Where are the people who stood up for the two of you in your wedding party? Does everyone think that the wedding was just one big party and nothing more? These people are SUPPOSED to be your support system, just as, sometimes, you are there to help them.
Amy, we, as people are individuals, BUT, together WE as Īpeopleā are the community and, ultimately the whole world. It serves none of us well if we let lives erode without being there to lend a hand when its needed.
How did you happen to write to me? Have you ever wondered just what purpose we, the Īadvice columnistsā of the world serve? Weāre sort of the threads, the Īnetā as it were that run through the community, and the world, at large. You have friends near you whom you can ask for help. You donāt say that this man has beaten you, or betrayed you, or is a drug or alcohol abuser. You say that he works seven days a week.
Either there's something material to the situation that youāre not telling me, or you donāt realize just what a commitment, not only to yourself and to your children, but to the community the vows of marriage are. Itās a contract, Amy...........a contract to help build and to strengthen the world in which we live. You have a responsibility to yourself, to your children and to your family and community to honor that contract. Your children will be stronger when they see you rise above your personal disappointments.
Is there a marriage enrichment group available through your church? Iām told those are very good. Perhaps you all need to look at and to restructure your priorities. Iām sure the kids, as well as you, would rather do with less $$ and have more of dad. Hugs and kisses go ever so much further than material things........just ask any kid who has only one parent and the other is paying child support. If as you say, you LOVE your husband.......youāll get through this. You can ALL get through this......and youāll all be the stronger for it.
- Annabelle
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