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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I just recently broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years. We broke up after he hit me during a heated argument. We have a 4 year old son together and I feel guilty that I have started to see someone else and I am really happy. My problem is that I feel guilty for being happy. I feel that I should be trying to workout my relationship with my
ex whether that makes me happy or not. But I'm scared of him and I'm scared that he
won't ever let me have a relationship with someone else. Please help me!!!
A - Dear Scared And Confused,
Well, letās see here. Youāve been with this fellow since you were 17, have a child with him and heās violent. In case no one has ever told you, you need to file a police report (yes, you DO), and get on with your life. ĪGetting on with your lifeā means that you have this fellow taking care of his parental responsibilities and, I would hope, in therapy for dealing with his inappropriate display of anger. The two of you need to learn to communicate with each other better so that your son can have a better parental relationship. At four, he needs his daddy AND his mommy.....and, though I understand that you are much happier with your new studmuffin, you are essentially condemning your son to repeating his parentās behavior if you cannot teach him about problem solving in a way that doesnāt involve hitting.
I understand that youāve had a rough go of it....this is what happens when oneās Īpassionā in life, as a teenager, is SEX and not the devotion to education and the pursuit and a grand career before giving birth to a baby......a baby who, by the way, really needs a stable home and two loving parents. Look into your childās eyes and try to feel what he needs.....a reliable source of constant, stable love. Now, you say that you are Īhappyā with this new fellow. Is he going to marry you and be a warm, loving father to you/ boy? Or will your son suffer yet another loss at so young an age?
Are you beginning to understand how our behaviors, as adults, impact on the young ones ........and how our society, as a whole, begins to break down? If YOU donāt act as a Īgatekeeperā and take a stand on behalf of your child, who will? If you spend your life following your Īfeelingsā, what future lies ahead for your son? You might want to give this some thought.....I assure you........your child will.
- Annabelle
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