|
|
Q - Dear Annabelle,
My teenage daughter has express feelings of loneliness and of not feeling a part of anything. She says she doesn't seem to fit in with any of the groups at school. Many of the people she thinks she would like to be friends with go out and drink on weekends. Some of them used to be her friends. This past summer she broke up with her best friend and during the fall she bounced from one person/group or another.
She also feels inadequate because some of her acquaintances attend beer parties on weekends and are still able to pull high GPAs. She struggles to get a 2.5+. She doesn't go anywhere with with friends anymore and has no close friend at this time. Many of the people she used to be friends with are very involved with other things like
sports or whatever. She plays sports, but is never satisfied with her level of accomplishment. I really don't like to watch her when she competes as she looks mad or unhappy ... she doesn't seem to enjoy it at all!
A - Concerned Father,
Sigh...teenagers sure have a rough time of it, especially when they move into the Îone downâ position. It could be that sheâs feeling overwhelmed by all the changes taking place in what had been a relatively structured life. You live in a city where there should be some good teen support groups. sometimes it helps young people to hang with peers in a situation where they can understand that they arenât alone in dealing with the awkwardness of this age.
If her emotional health is relatively good and sheâs eating well and is taking a daily multivitamin, you might consider the addition of the herb, St. Johnâs Wort..it has mild anti-depressant properties in some people. Somehow sheâs choosing to feel defeated during this process...and that her friends are self medicating that same stress by drinking is troublesome..at least sheâs not opting to participate...reward her for that. While alcohol and drugs can be a problem in anyoneâs life, they are particularly problematic in the adolescent years just BECAUSE these years are about getting a handle on the growth challenges that must be met and mastered. For those young people who opt out in the form of drinking and drugs, the developmental work of this stage is never fully mastered and they move into young adulthood and adulthood with a crippled self. Again, reward her for her good sense of self at having the courage not to take the, seemingly, easy way out.
Too, you do live in an area where S.A.D., (Seasonal Affective Disorder), occurs frequently....is she outside in the sunlight enough? If you haven't enough sunlight, (which is the cause of this disorder this time of year), there are light bulbs you can buy that have sunlight spectrum for the house.
As her dad, about the best thing that you can do is to be a constant and ongoing support. Reassuring her, over and over, that this will pass and that she has, inside of her, what it takes to handle the stresses and challenges that sheâs feeling, is about all you can do. Sometimes sharing with her tales of your own struggles will be useful, other times not. ãI did it, your mom did it and you can too,ä Each teenager feels that their journey is unique and, in many way, it is.....because THEYâVE never made the journey before.
Maybe just a note on her pillow to the effect, ãI love you and I believe in youä, might keep her going. You might give her this address....she may have questions too.
- Annabelle
|
