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Q - Dear Annabelle,
Can you help me with my problem with dealing my girlfriends daughter? How can all three of us get along better? I know I can go on but Iāll leave it here for now.
A - Charlene,
You donāt say how old your girlfriendās daughter is, but, if sheās like most daughterās, sheās upset that her mom and dad arenāt together anymore. If sheās anywhere near being a teenager, that alone would cause problems. Now, it looks, from the information in your letter that youāre saying that you have a lesbian relationship...and THAT can cause an upset with a child. This is not something about which the daughter can be expected to have sophisticated knowledge, nor should she....a parentās sexuality is a source of great discomfort for a child under the best of circumstances, and to have a mother who is Īdifferentā can be excruciatingly painful and create many behavior problems.
You, whether you like it or not, are an intruder, and an intruder in much more than the Īnormalā sense. It would be very wise for both you and the childās mother to never speak badly of the childās father as that can tear the youngster apart....she is half her dad and half her mom and for her to feel that part of her is Ībadā can be very disruptive to a her development.
If you are truly interested in her welfare, it is important that she feel loved unconditionally, supported emotionally and she must have the certainty that her mom isnāt abandoning her too....for you. Think how YOUāD feel if you were a child in the situation in which she finds herself. She doesnāt have to actually Īlikeā the situation, but it is important that she be polite and act in a respectful manner. That, by the way, goes for all THREE of you.
- Annabelle
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